a fear of being seen to fail

Look, your problem is not a fear of failure itself, but a fear of being seen to fail. 

Gary John Bishop

Unfu*k Yourself 2023 Day-to-Day Calendar: Get Out of Your Head and Into Your Life. January 28/29

fear of being judged by others

Like plenty of other things in our lives, part of our aversion to uncertainty comes from our fear of being judged by others. We are, in a very real way, afraid of what the tribe thinks and the prospect of being thrown out into the mystery and uncertainty of the wild.

If we put ourselves in uncomfortable situations, maybe we’ll look awkward. People will think we’re “weird.” If we push out limits and try to achieve new things, maybe we’ll fail. People will think we’re a “failure.”

“If you want to improve, be content to be thought foolish and stupid.” – Epictetus

You’re never going to achieve your true potential if you’re hooked by what other people think. In fact, you could change your life overnight if you simply abandoned the notion that other people’s opinions matter. Life goes on, opinion-heavy or opinion-lite.

Gary John Bishop

Unfu*k Yourself: Get out of your head and into your life by Gary John Bishop. Harper One. 2017. p.108, 109

how free was free?

When I took command of Benfold, I realized that no one, including me, is capable of making every decision. I would have to train my people to think and make judgments on their own. Empowering means defining the parameters in which people are allowed to operate, and then setting them free.

But how free was free? What were the limits? 

I chose my line in the sand. Whenever the consequences of a decision had the potential to kill or injure someone, waste taxpayers' money, or damage the ship, I had to be consulted. Short of those contingencies, the crew was authorized to make their own decisions. Even if the decisions were wrong, I would stand by my crew. Hopefully, they would learn from their mistakes. And the more responsibility they were given, the more they learned.

D. Michael Abrashoff

It's Your Ship: Management Techniques from the Best Damn Ship in the Navy by D. Michael Abrashoff. Grand Central Publishing. 2007. p.29,30

to know what is right

A President’s hardest task is not to do what is right, but to know what is right.

Lyndon B. Johnson

Historical Highlights: The First Televised Evening State of the Union Address, by Lyndon B. Johnson. January 04, 1965. History, Art & Archives: United States House of Representatives. As found in 2022 Great Quotes From Great Leaders Boxed Calendar: 365 Inspirational Quotes From Leaders Who Shaped the World.

never hold a meeting just to update people

“If you’re already meeting for worthwhile topics, you can do a quick update,” says Axtell. You might say at the end, Is there anything that the group needs to be aware of before we leave? Is there something going on in your department that others needs to be know about? “But if you’re only meeting to transfer information, rethink your approach. Why take up valuable time saying something you can just email?” says Axtell.

And update meetings aren’t just time-wasters. Gino explains that research by Roy Baumeister, Kathleen Vohs and their colleagues suggests that we have a limited amount of what they call “executive” resources. “Once they get depleted, we make bad decisions or choices,” says Gino. “Business meetings require people to commit, focus, and make decisions, with little or no attention paid to the depletion of the finite cognitive resources of the participants — particularly if the meetings are long or too frequent,” says Gino. She finds something similar in her own research: that “depletion of our executive resources can even lead to poor judgment and unethical behavior.” So if you can avoid scheduling yet another meeting, you should.

Amy Gallo

“The Condensed Guide to Running Meetings,” Harvard Business Review. July 6, 2015 as quoted in HBR Guide to Making Every Meeting Matter. Harvard Business Review Press. 2016.

the newspaper test

 

"I ask the managers to judge every action they take -- not just by legal standards, though obviously, that's the first test -- but also by what I call the 'newspaper test,'" explained Buffett.

Basically, if an article "written by a smart but pretty unfriendly reporter" appeared in a local newspaper about a decision or action you made, and your family, friends, and neighbors read it, how would you feel about it?

"It's pretty simple," says Buffett. "If [your decision or action] passes that test, it's okay. If anything is too close to the lines, it's out."

Buffett's newspaper test, if you pass it, can take you far because in business, if your reputation fails, game over. 

"We have all the money we need," the billionaire said. "We'd like to have more, but we can afford to lose money. But we can't afford to lose reputation."

Buffett's reputation line was not a fleeting one-time remark to pass off to a student. It's a life lesson he's lived by as the chairman and CEO of Berkshire Hathaway. "It takes 20 years to build a reputation and five minutes to ruin it. If you think about that you'll do things differently."

Marcel Schwantes

"20 Years Ago, Warren Buffett Shared a Brutal Truth That Most People Have Yet to Learn," Inc. May 5, 2021. 

what my job as CEO is not

The most powerful learnings for me in my journey as a CEO have been about what my job is not –

It is not my job to be a judge. My job is to give people the tools and visibility to assess themselves. People are fully capable of self-assessment and although I often give feedback, this is just an input which may or may not be relevant in the problem they are solving.

My job is not to problem solve. I have a natural love of problem solving so my natural instinct is to jump in and try to solve the problem. My true job is to make sure success is clearly defined and then hard as it is—step aside. One person has very limited experiences to draw from and we can only achieve success if everyone is problem solving together.

Phoebe Hayman

"Phoebe Hayman, the founder of Seedling, Talks About Leadership as a Support Role" by Ramon B. Nuez Jr. Huffington Post. August 28, 2017.

facts and context

Keep perception and reality in sync. This is not about candor; that is the easy part. Facts without context isn’t truth. Sometimes people want to “unload everything on their mind” and call it candor. They feel better, everyone else feels worse. Always be transparent, but bring solutions. Remember that facts are a path to progress, not a way to pass judgment. Truth telling requires facts and context.

Jeff Immelt

"'Keep a lot of thoughts to yourself,' and other wisdom from Jeff Immelt on his last day as CEO of GE" Business Insider. 8/10/2017

enlarged by reading

John Adams, ca 1816, by Samuel F.B. Morse (Brooklyn Museum)

I must judge for myself, but how can I judge, how can any man judge, unless his mind has been opened and enlarged by reading?

John Adams

Diary entry (age 25) as quoted in John Adams by David McCullough. Simon and Schuster, 2001. p.223

trust employees

In this world of intense scrutiny, where everyone is looking at what you do...one reaction is to create management systems, more process, more controls, and more bureaucracy. Relying on traditional supervision, process and controls would inhibit serving clients responsively, and stifle employees' creative energies. We cannot apply Industrial age management systems to address post Industrial age needs. There is a better alternative, which is to trust employees. Values are the glue, the bond that binds us together in the absence of controls. These must be genuinely shared values; they can't be imposed top-down. Values provide employees a framework to make decisions when management systems and procedures are unclear. It comes down to judgment, based on shared values.

Sam Palmisano

"The Future of Leadership" by Samie Al-Achrafi. The Huffington Post. 10/30/2015

a window which needs cleaning

A young couple, Lisa and John, moved into a new neighborhood. One morning while they were eating breakfast, Lisa looked out the window and watched her next-door neighbor hanging out her wash.

“That laundry’s not clean!” Lisa exclaimed. “Our neighbor doesn’t know how to get clothes clean!”

John looked on but remained silent.

Every time her neighbor would hang her wash to dry, Lisa would make the same comments.

A few weeks later Lisa was surprised to glance out her window and see a nice, clean wash hanging in her neighbor’s yard. She said to her husband, “Look, John—she’s finally learned how to wash correctly! I wonder how she did it.”

John replied, “Well, dear, I have the answer for you. You’ll be interested to know that I got up early this morning and washed our windows!”

...Are we looking through a window which needs cleaning? Are we making judgments when we don’t have all the facts? What do we see when we look at others? What judgments do we make about them?

Thomas S. Monson

"Charity Never Faileth" General Conference. October 2010

how we process anger

Understanding how we process anger – our own and others’ – is helpful in learning how to deal with it on the job. If women understand that men are wired by nature to be more aggressive – with more of their behavior driven by the more primitive part of their brains, the amygdala, and the secretion of epinephrine and cortisol – then male anger should become less disturbing for them. We would know not to take it so personally. If women more clearly understand why they experience a double-whammy speedball when they get angry – that the oxytocin in their bodies is in conflict with the norepinephrine that they also produce when under attack – then they might be less negatively judgmental about their own and other women’s anger. If both genders realize that, as Browde says, “the suppression of an emotional response to being demeaned and belittled in the workplace has physiologic effects and can result in symptoms such as insomnia, irritability, anxiety, panic, and even depression,” then all of us might try harder not to upset each other.

Anne Kreamer

It’s Always Personal: Navigating Emotion in the New Workplace. 2011. Random House.

replacing policy with principles

The curious thing about organizations is that having more people somehow doesn't equal more output. “As size and complexity of an organization increases, productivity of individuals working in that organization tends to decrease,” he says. As headcount grows, so too does the policy-and-paperwork stuff that gets in the way of rapid iteration and scale.

Why is this the case? “I think it comes down to human nature and the way we react to problems,” Curtis says. Our natural response to any problem — from a downed server to a social gaffe — is to try to ensure that it doesn’t happen again. In companies, more often that not, those solutions take the form of new policies. “What happens when you create a new policy, of course, is that you have to fit it into all of your existing rules.” And so begins a web of ever-increasing complexity that's all about prevention. Soon, you start to hit safeguards no matter what it is you're trying to do.

To avoid this type of bureaucracy from the very beginning of your company, you should adopt two particular tactics: “First, you have to build teams with good judgment, because you need to be able to put your trust in people,” Curtis says. “Then you shape that good judgment with strong principles.”

Minimizing rules that become roadblocks in your organization will only work if you’ve built a team that will make good decisions in the absence of rigid structure. Your hiring process is where you can take the biggest strides toward preventing bureaucracy.


Interview with Airbnb VP Engineering Mike Curtis
"Bureaucracy Isn’t Inevitable — Here’s How Airbnb Beat It" First Round Review. 5/18/2015

crucibles of leadership

[O]ne of the most reliable indicators and predictors of true leadership is an individual’s ability to find meaning in negative events and to learn from even the most trying circumstances. Put another way, the skills required to conquer adversity and emerge stronger and more committed than ever are the same ones that make for extraordinary leaders…. 

We came to call the experiences that shape leaders “crucibles,” after the vessels medieval alchemists used in their attempts to turn base metals into gold. For the leaders we interviewed, the crucible experience was a trial and a test, a point of deep self-reflection that forced them to question who they were and what mattered to them. It required them to examine their values, question their assumptions, hone their judgment. And, invariably, they emerged from the crucible stronger and more sure of themselves and their purpose—changed in some fundamental way….

So, what allow[s]… people to not only cope with these difficult situations but also learn from them? We believe that great leaders possess four essential skills, and, we were surprised to learn, these happen to be the same skills that allow a person to find meaning in what could be a debilitating experience. First is the ability to engage others in shared meaning…. Second is a distinctive and compelling voice…. Third is a sense of integrity (including a strong set of values). 

But by far the most critical skill of the four is what we call “adaptive capacity.” This is, in essence, applied creativity—an almost magical ability to transcend adversity, with all its attendant stresses, and to emerge stronger than before. It’s composed of two primary qualities: the ability to grasp context, and hardiness. The ability to grasp context implies an ability to weigh a welter of factors, ranging from how very different groups of people will interpret a gesture to being able to put a situation in perspective. Without this, leaders are utterly lost, because they cannot connect with their constituents….

It is the combination of hardiness and ability to grasp context that, above all, allows a person to not only survive an ordeal, but to learn from it, and to emerge stronger, more engaged, and more committed than ever. These attributes allow leaders to grow from their crucibles, instead of being destroyed by them—to find opportunity where others might find only despair. This is the stuff of true leadership.

Warren Bennis and Robert J. Thomas

"Crucibles of Leadership" Harvard Business Review. September 2002

an understanding heart

In Gibeon the Lord appeared to Solomon in a dream by night: and God said, Ask what I shall give thee. And Solomon said, Thou hast shewed unto thy servant David my father great mercy, according as he walked before thee in truth, and in righteousness, and in uprightness of heart with thee; and thou hast kept for him this great kindness, that thou hast given him a son to sit on his throne, as it is this day. And now, O Lord my God, thou hast made thy servant king instead of David my father: and I am but a little child: I know not how to go out or come in. And thy servant is in the midst of thy people which thou hast chosen, a great people, that cannot be numbered nor counted for multitude. Give therefore thy servant an understanding heart to judge thy people, that I may discern between good and bad: for who is able to judge this thy so great a people? And the speech pleased the Lord, that Solomon had asked this thing.

Old Testament, 1 Kings 3:5-10

As quoted in "Finish With Your Torch Still Lit." by Dieter F. Uchtdorf, Ensign. October 2015.