your capacity for forgiveness is infinite

Your capacity for forgiveness is infinite. Your willingness for it is where you get stuck.

Gary John Bishop

Unfu*k Yourself 2023 Day-to-Day Calendar: Get Out of Your Head and Into Your Life. September 12

a fear of being seen to fail

Look, your problem is not a fear of failure itself, but a fear of being seen to fail. 

Gary John Bishop

Unfu*k Yourself 2023 Day-to-Day Calendar: Get Out of Your Head and Into Your Life. January 28/29

none of them can hurt me

When you wake up in the morning, tell yourself: The people I deal with today will be meddling, ungrateful, arrogant, dishonest, jealous, and surly. They are like this because they can’t tell good from evil. But I have seen the beauty of good, and the ugliness of evil, and have recognized that the wrongdoer has a nature related to my own – not of the same blood or birth, but the same mind, and possessing a share of the divine. And so none of them can hurt me. No one can implicate me in ugliness. Nor can I feel angry at my relative, or hate him. We were born to work together like feet, hands, and eyes, like the two rows of teeth, upper and lower. To obstruct each other is unnatural. To feel anger at someone, to turn your back on him: these are obstructions.

Marcus Aurelius

Meditations by Marcus Aurelius. Modern Library. 2003. p.17, Book 2, #1. Also see The Internet Classics Archive | The Meditations by Marcus Aurelius (mit.edu)

make your bed every morning

If you make your bed every morning you will have accomplished the first task of the day. It will give you a small sense of pride, and it will encourage you to do another task and another and another. By the end of the day, that one task completed will have turned into many tasks completed. Making your bed will also reinforce the fact that little things in life matter. If you can’t do the little things right, you will never do the big things right.

Admiral William H. McCraven

Make Your Bed: Little Things That Can Change Your Life...And Maybe the World by William H. McCraven. Grand Central Publishing. 2017. As found in 2022 Great Quotes From Great Leaders Boxed Calendar: 365 Inspirational Quotes From Leaders Who Shaped the World.

our verbosity is a cover for insincerity or uncertainty

In that premortal council, when Jesus meekly volunteered, saying, “Here am I, send me,” it was one of those significant moments when a few words are preferred to many. Never has one individual offered, in so few words. To do so much for so many as did Jesus when he meekly proffered Himself as ransom for all of us, billions and billions of us!

By contrast, in our unnecessary multiplication of words, there is not only a lack of clarity but often an abundance of vanity. Sometimes, too, our verbosity is a cover for insincerity or uncertainty. If there could be more subtraction of self, there would be less multiplication of words.

Even As I Am by Neal A. Maxwell. 1982. Deseret Book Company.

their full share of credit

There are many men in this world who have been over-estimated all the days of their lives, and others who have never had their full share of credit.

Heber J. Grant

Gospel Standards, p.186

the challenge of leadership

The challenge of leadership is to be strong, but not rude; be kind, but not weak; be bold, but not bully; be thoughtful, but not lazy; be humble, but not timid; be proud, but not arrogant; have humor, but without folly.

Jim Rohn

"50 Inspiring Quotes on Leadership for Everyone" Time. July 1, 2015

accept coaching

There’s an interesting duality to Suns rookie forward Josh Jackson.

He has a confidence in him that is unshakeable... Yet within that belief system, there’s also a willingness on Jackson’s part to listen, learn and admit his mistakes. It’s why, before the Suns played the Atlanta Hawks last Tuesday, Triano was comfortable in delivering a blunt message to Jackson.

“I said, ‘I’m losing confidence in keeping you on the floor,’ ” Triano told Jackson.

Triano followed up by benching Jackson for the entire game against Atlanta, the first time in Jackson’s career that he had been a DNP-CD.

“It was kind of hard to take in,” Jackson said. “I kind of really didn’t understand what he was saying.”

Then Jackson was given the raw numbers showing that the Suns were a better team when he wasn’t on the floor. Heading into the Atlanta game, Phoenix’s offensive rating was 97.4 with Jackson on the court and 106.7 without him. The defensive rating was 111.3 with Jackson and 106.6 without him.

“That definitely surprised me,” Jackson said.

Triano knew Jackson could handle the criticism – “I think all our guys can take it. That’s one of the things I like about our guys. They accept coaching,” he said – but just to make sure, he also moved the conversation forward, asking Jackson how the coaching staff could rebuild its confidence in him.

Jackson suggested he and Triano watch video together.

“Just to see what he sees,” Jackson said. “Sometimes, two people look at the same play and see two totally different things. He has a basketball mind and he’s really smart, so just trying to see what he sees and trying to pick his brain a little bit.”

Jackson said he wanted to approach Triano earlier in the season about spending quality time watching video, but, “I didn’t really think I could just go up to him and have that type of conversation with him.”

“Now we kind of have a schedule where, every week, I’ll come in and we’ll watch film or just talk about things that happened in the previous games and practices just for me to get better,” Jackson said.

The payoff has been immediate. In the three games since his benching, Jackson is averaging 14 points, 5.7 rebounds and three assists per game while shooting 48.6 percent from the field and 55.6 percent from 3-point range. He had his best game of the season in Phoenix’s victory over Oklahoma City on Sunday, finishing with 17 points, 10 rebounds, five assists and no turnovers.

“I feel like things are getting better for me,” Jackson said.

All because Triano had something he needed to say – “It eats me up if I don’t get it off my chest,” he said – and Jackson was willing to listen.

“It was just a conversation about where I thought he was in his rookie season and how we can work together better, me utilizing him and him fitting into what we’re trying to do,” Triano said. “His suggestion was that we watch more film and more tape, and we’ve done that on a consistent basis since then, and I think it’s helped him and I think it’s helped me understand him a little bit more.”


Scott Bordow
"Phoenix Suns rookie Josh Jackson responds well to Jay Triano's harsh criticism". azcentral.com. January 10, 2018.

5 P's of ethical power

One of my favorite books is The Power of Ethical Management, written by Ken Blanchard and Norman Vincent Peale. In their book, Blanchard and Peale discuss the five principles of ethical decision-making which they call the “Five P’s of Ethical Power.”...

Purpose—Your purpose is the road you choose to travel, the meaning and direction of your life. It’s the driving force of why you do what you do. For some it may be rooted in their spiritual faith. Others may find their purpose is something they feel called to do, such as serving those in need, raising responsible children, or leaving the world a better place than they found it. Aligning the activities of your life according to your purpose gives you a clear sense of direction, so when you’re faced with challenging circumstances or difficult decisions, you’re able to filter those occasions through the lens of your purpose and make choices that keep you on track.

Pride—Unlike false pride, which stems from a distorted sense of self-importance that causes people to believe and act like they are better than others, a healthy sense of pride springs from a positive self-image and confidence in one’s abilities. A proper sense of pride mixed with a good dose of humility is the balance you’re seeking. Being driven by false pride causes you to seek the approval and acceptance of others which can overly influence you to take the easy way out when faced with a tough situation.

Patience—Patience is in short supply in our culture. We live in a hyper-connected, instantaneous world where virtually anything we want is just a click away. Blanchard and Peale describe patience as having a faith and belief that things will work out well, as long as we stick to our values and principles. Giving in to instant gratification is one of the biggest temptations we face and it causes us to make decisions that aren’t in alignment with our purpose and values. Enduring the struggles and challenges life throws our way helps develop the strength of our character. Much like prematurely opening a caterpillar cocoon leads to a weakened and under-developed butterfly, choosing the path of expediency leaves us with an under-developed character and weakens our ethical power.

Persistence—This component of ethical power is about staying the course and remaining true to your purpose and values. Persistence is about commitment, not interest. When you have interest in something, you do it when it’s convenient. When you’re committed, you do it no matter what! One of my favorite “Yoda-isms” from the Star Wars movies is “Do or do not. There is no try.” When it comes to making ethical decisions, there is never a right time to do the wrong thing. Persistence keeps us on the straight and narrow path.

Perspective—All the other elements of ethical power emanate from the core of perspective. Perspective is about having the big picture view of situations and understanding what’s truly important. Too often we make snap decisions in the heat of the moment and neglect to step back and examine the situation from a bigger perspective. Maintaining the proper perspective is also about paying attention to our inner-self and not just our task-oriented outer-self. Taking the time to enter each day with prayer, meditation, exercise, or solitude helps foster self-reflection which is needed to help us maintain the right perspective about life.

Randy Conley

"Got Ethics? The 5 Principles of Ethical Leaders" Leading with Trust. 6/12/2016

Taken from the book The Power of Ethical Management by by Ken Blanchard and Norman Vincent Peale. Harper Collins, 1988

remember our conflicts

When we remember our conflicts and reflect on them, they are like mirrors that can teach us things about ourselves that are otherwise difficult to discover. If we permit them, our conflicts will show us where we are weak, defensive, prideful, or otherwise in need of repair.


Gerald R. Williams

"Learning from Our Conflicts" BYU Speeches. 7/27/2006

tears

Psychic tears aren’t specific to any single emotion but are rather the uniquely visible testament that one has experienced something overwhelming – anger, awe, love, fear, pride, embarrassment, or sadness. From the tears of joy at a wedding or the birth of a child to the tears of anger or outrage – often catalyzed by feelings of powerlessness – at a slight, to the tears of grief at the death of a loved one, each emotion elicits a different intensity and duration of crying. Psychic or emotional tears, because they are exceptional, force us and those around us to acknowledge that something important has just happened – my boyfriend proposed to me, my boss yelled at me, I was deeply moved by a sense of the divine, my dog died – and that we should pause and take a moment for reflection.

Anne Kreamer

It’s Always Personal: Navigating Emotion in the New Workplace. 2011. Random House.

a realistic sense of magnitude

One of the cliches of the campaign season is that a candidate has to want the job badly, to burn with ambition, to have “fire in the belly.” Otherwise, why elect someone to the demanding task of being president? Surely the first criteria is to want to be president very, very much.

The biblical model of leadership suggests otherwise. One of the striking features of leadership in the Hebrew bible is how often the people who become leaders don’t wish to be. When God first comes to Moses at the burning bush, Moses contrives a series of excuses—I don’t speak well, the people won’t listen to me—before he flat out asks God to simply choose someone else. God leaves Moses no choice, forcing him to shepherd the people out of Egypt.

The prophet Jeremiah has a similar reaction: He desperately does not wish to be a prophet, but finds that God’s word is like a “fire shut up in my bones,” and despite his desire he can’t seem to hold back from prophesying as God wishes. And perhaps most dramatically, the story of Jonah tells of a prophet who literally tries to flee from God only to be swallowed by a large fish that spits Jonah out on to dry land to prophesy and save the city of Nineveh.

Each is ultimately pressed into service, along with many others who are hesitant to become leaders. Yet once in the position of leadership, they serve effectively and in many cases, with astonishing devotion. The Bible seems to assume that reluctance in the face of a great task is the natural reaction of a healthy spirit, and that pursuing leadership is often a disfigurement of ego and not an essential attribute of authority.

So instead we have a parade of people who are certain they can solve all the problems of the world if we give them a vote. The biblical days when Samuel did not recognize that he was hearing God’s voice, or when Isaiah worried that he was of unclean lips—the age when leadership was tentative, hesitant and humble—has given way to an age when leadership is certain, declarative and boastful.

To doubt whether one can do a demanding job is to have a realistic sense of its magnitude. When candidates are convinced they will be great, I wonder not only if they overestimate themselves, but if they do not recognize the difficulties of the task. In our history we have seen certainty crumble into chaos. Better to elect someone who sees the enormity of the challenge and is humble in the face of being called to serve than someone who is certain of triumph.

Rabbi David Wolpe

"The Best Leaders Are the Ones Who Don’t Ask for the Job" Time. 10/7/2015

never protect your past

Over the course of IBM’s ongoing evolution, Chairman and CEO Ginni Rometty has abided by the motto, “never protect your past.”

“That’s what reinvention is. This is why I’ve divested—even in my time—$8 billion of businesses of ours,” she said on stage at the Fortune Global Forum in November.

Claire Zillman

"IBM Is Blowing Up Its Annual Performance Review" Fortune. 2/1/2016

the better you were

Some bandleaders I’ve known and worked for, when you had a solo and you got a real big hand, you didn’t get another solo. I worked with one: I won’t call names, but he played clarinet. Everybody in the All Stars got a chance, your spot where you went out and did your thing, your solo spot. He wanted you to go out there and get a standing ovation if you could, stand on your eyelashes and get a standing ovation – he loved that. Because he knew that all he had to do was walk right up behind you, smile, unfurl that handkerchief and look at the audience and he’d wash you away! And it wasn’t an ego thing, it was just the way it was. Because he realized the better you were the better it made his band.

Arvell Shaw

As quoted in Armstrong by David Bradbury. Haus Publishing. 2003. p. 92

if you succeed, i am a failure

The proud depend upon the world to tell them whether they have value or not. Their self-esteem is determined by where they are judged to be on the ladders of worldly success. They feel worthwhile as individuals if the numbers beneath them in achievement, talent, beauty, or intellect are large enough. Pride is ugly. It says, “If you succeed, I am a failure.” 

Ezra Taft Benson

"Beware of Pride." April 1989

the pleasure of being above the rest

Pride gets no pleasure out of having something, only out of having more of it than the next man. … It is the comparison that makes you proud: the pleasure of being above the rest. Once the element of competition has gone, pride has gone.

C.S. Lewis 

Mere Christianity, New York: Macmillan, 1952, pp. 109–10.

As quoted in "Beware of Pride" by Ezra Taft Benson. April 1989 

the righter you sound, the madder I get

“The righter you sound, the madder I get.”

…When the origin of an idea is more important than the idea itself, that’s a matter of pride.

Ken Blanchard and Phil Hodges

The Servant Leader: Transforming You Heart, Head, Hands & Habits. 2003. J.Countryman