you've got to make mistakes

No one does the leader's job flawlessly, believe me. You've got to make mistakes and learn from them. Yankees manager Joe Torree got fired three times during his career. Now he's looked upon as the icon of the game. He learned some things along the way. 

In his book, Jack: Straight from the Gut, Jack Welch freely admits he made many hiring mistakes in his early years. He made a lot of decisions from instinct. But when he was wrong, he'd say, "It's my fault." He'd ask himself why he was wrong, he'd listen to other people, he'd get more data, and he'd figure it out. And he just kept getting better and better. He also recognized that it's not useful to beat other people up when they make mistakes. To the contrary, that's the time to coach them, encourage them, and help them regain their self-confidence.

Larry Bossidy

Execution: The Discipline of Getting Things Done by Larry Bossidy & Ram Charan with Charles Burck. 2002. Crown Business, NY, NY. p. 83

you have to make it happen

I’ve given you seven personal assertions.

1. I am willing.
2. I am wired to win.
3. I got this.
4. I embrace the uncertainty.
5. I am not my thoughts; I am what I do.
6. I am relentless.
7. I expect nothing and accept everything.

Each of them plays into a theme. You may not immediately see it, but it’s there.

If you want your life to be different, you have to make it happen. All of the thinking or meditating or planning or anti-anxiety medication in the world isn’t going to improve your life if you’re not willing to go out and take action and make changes. You can’t sit around waiting for the right mood to strike or for life to play out the way you want it to. Nor can you rely on positive thinking alone to transform things for the better. You have to go out and do.

Gary John Bishop

Unfu*k Yourself: Get out of your head and into your life by Gary John Bishop. Harper One. 2017. p.191, 192

i got this

“I got this…”

You can handle this. It’s not going to kill you. Your life isn’t over. You’ve got plenty more left in the tank. Plenty.

“I got this” doesn’t mean you have the perfect solution. It just means you have your hands on the wheel, you have a say in this just like you’ve had a say all along. I mean come on, you live for this shit!

It’s not always pretty. It’s not always fun but you’ve got this. We’re not just saying this to paper over the cracks or to make you feel a little better for a split second. Look at your track record; you’ve really got this! You’ll make it work, just like you always have. You had it then and you got it now…

I got this. I got this. I got this.

Gary John Bishop

Unfu*k Yourself: Get out of your head and into your life by Gary John Bishop. Harper One. 2017. p.91

things truly confident people say

Here are the kinds of things you'll hear truly confident people say.

1. "I wouldn't worry about it."

Go to a confident friend with a list of "what-ifs" or reasons why something may turn out badly and you'll likely hear this kind of reassurance. It's because confident people generally don't worry. They understand that even if something goes wrong, they can handle it. It's the persistent feeling that regardless of what happens--good or bad--they will cope.

2. "Go for it."

Along with a lack of anxiety comes a sense of optimism. Truly confident people expect good things to happen. At the same time, their track record of making good decisions means they also possess the ability to temper their positivity with realistic thinking.

3. "Doing it this way works for me."

Confident individuals don't feel compelled to conform to gain acceptance from others. This is the central beauty of confidence--the calm self-assurance that makes others want to follow.

4. "Why not me?"

Instead of waiting around for the next opportunity, confident people seek it out. Maybe it's building the right relationships, asking for a promotion or otherwise taking a leap of faith. These people have a vision for the future and chart their own path to get there.   

5. "I need to say something."

Confident people take a stand when it comes to matters of right and wrong yet possess the wisdom to understand which battles are worth fighting. That said, they'll back down graciously if proved wrong, because they're secure enough to consider viewpoints other than their own.

6. "Tell me more."

Confident people listen far more than they talk, are naturally curious, and express a genuine interest in others. Conversely, those who monopolize conversations or brag (ever) have something to prove and are masking insecurity.

7. "Can you help me?"

Everyone has weaknesses, but the self-assured are not afraid to admit them. Instead of worrying what others will think if they ask for help, confident people are more concerned with self-improvement, gaining valuable skills, and performing a job well. 

Christina Desmarias

"7 Things Confident People Always Say," Inc.com. June 24, 2016

inability

Never confuse someone else's inability to do something with its inability to be done. 

Steve Maraboli

Life, the Truth, & Being Free by Steve Maraboli.  Createspace Independent Publishers. 2014. As found in 2022 Great Quotes from Great Leaders Boxed Calendar: 365 Inspirational Quotes from Leaders Who Shaped the World.

poor “gardening” techniques

Let’s imagine for a moment that you are a gardener. Do any of the actions below seem like a good idea?

• Planting a seed and then digging it back up from time to time to check its progress
• Forcing open a flower bud with your fingernails because it isn’t opening fast enough
• Pulling on a tree limb because it’s not growing fast enough to provide shade

Hopefully you answered a resounding NO to all three of these scenarios. Any of those actions will inhibit the healthy growth of the seed, flower, or plant. Interestingly enough however, you CAN influence the environment each of these items are in to accelerate the desired outcomes.

In a similar way, I believe some leaders and managers practice poor “gardening” techniques with the people on their team when they are too helpful. They think that giving others all the answers to the situations they encounter will result in a healthy team member. It won’t. They are actually creating someone who will be dependent on them to solve future issues or challenges because they haven’t cultivated their analytical thinking skills, creativity, or confidence in their abilities.

...Before you drift to an unhealthy level of helping, ask yourself, “Will taking this action improve the ability of this team member to solve problems on their own in the future?” or “Is this going to help the organization build future leaders?” or even “Is this action going to help me grow this team member so that I can rely on them for bigger things in the future?” If the answer is no, consider one of the options below to improve your approach..

When a team member comes to you seeking advice or guidance, resist the urge to immediately tell them an answer. Instead, be prepared with questions like:

• What actions have you taken so far to solve the problem?
• What do you think needs to be done in this situation?
• Tell me what you see as the main issue here.
• What do you think we should do next to address the issue?
• What solution would you choose if I wasn’t here?
• What solution do you think I’m going to offer?
• How can I help you take the next step?

And don’t forget… when you ask these questions, really listen to their ideas.

Jones Loflin

"Why Being Too Helpful Is A Bad Habit For Leaders," by Jones Loflin. jonesloflin.com Accessed on June 22, 2022. 

dropping all pretenses

Here’s a shocker: your people already know you have flaws! So if you make a mistake, admit it. If you need help, ask for it. When leaders admit their mistakes and ask for help, it creates stronger, more trusting relationships with team members.

Dropping all pretenses and letting your people get to know the person behind the title won’t cause them to lose respect for you. Quite the opposite. It will allow them to see you for who you really are—a confident leader who cares about their people and is comfortable in their own skin.

Ken Blanchard

"Everyone Benefits When Leaders Get Real," Linkedin Article. May 12, 2022

what you don't know

Don't be intimidated by what you don't know. That can be your greatest strength and ensure that you do things differently. 

Sara Blakely

Start With You: How Badass Executives Are Transforming Their Lives (And Business) In Just 12 Quarters by Peter C. C. Fuller. Page Publishing. 2018. As found in 2022 Great Quotes From Great Leaders Boxed Calendar: 365 Inspirational Quotes From Leaders Who Shaped the World. 

fortune favors the bold

Fortune does favor the bold, and you'll never know what you're capable of if you don't try. 

Sheryl Sandberg 

Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead. Knopf Doubleday Publishing Group. 2013. As found in 2022 Great Quotes From Great Leaders Boxed Calendar: 365 Inspirational Quotes From Leaders Who Shaped the World. 

only the curious

Only the curious have something to find.

Sean Watkins

Song lyrics can be surprising sources of insight, just like this line from Nickel Creek’s song “This Side” (written by band member Sean Watkins) off their 2002 album of the same name. The track chronicles the story of a person experiencing things for the first time, including all the fear that comes along with change. Slowly, the person becomes more comfortable and can explore new opportunities with confidence. It inspires us to approach the world through a lens of curiosity — to strike out and find and do new things. Because if we remain at home, in a place where we’re comfortable, we’ll never discover anything bigger or find the courage to be comfortable with anything else.

Daily Inspiration. March 27, 2021. Inspiring Quotes. 

people who are unprepared

Everyone approaches a danger with more courage if he has prepared in advance how to confront it. Anyone can endure difficulties better if he has previously practiced how to deal with them. People who are unprepared can be unhinged by even the smallest of things.

Seneca

The naive mind imagines effortless success. The cowardly mind imagines hardship and freezes. The resilient mind imagines hardship and prepares.

Resilience: Hard-won Wisdom for Living a Better Life by Eric Greitens. Houghton Mifflin Harcourt. 2015. p.181

what is a personal calling?

What is a personal calling? It is God's blessing, it is the path that God chose for you here on Earth. Whenever we do something that fills us with enthusiasm, we are following our legend. However, we don't all have the courage to confront our own dream.

Why?

There are four obstacles. First: we are told from childhood onward that everything we want to do is impossible. We grow up with this idea, and as the years accumulate, so too do the layers of prejudice, fear, and guilt. There comes a time when our personal calling is so deeply buried in our soul as to be invisible. But it's still there.

If we have the courage to disinter dream, we are then faced by the second obstacle: love. We know what we want to do, but are afraid of hurting those around us by abandoning everything in order to pursue our dream. We do not realize that love is just a further impetus, not something that will prevent us going forward. We do not realize that those who genuinely wish us well want us to be happy and are prepared to accompany us on that journey.

Once we have accepted that love is a stimulus, we come up against the third obstacle: fear of the defeats we will meet on the path. We who fight for our dream suffer far more when it doesn't work out, because we cannot fall back on the old excuse: "Oh, well, I didn't really want it anyway." We do want it and know that we have staked everything on it and that the path of the personal calling is no easier than any other path, except that our whole heart is in this journey. Then, we warriors of light must be prepared to have patience in difficult times and to know that the Universe is conspiring in our favor, even though we may not understand how.

I ask myself: are defeats necessary?

Well, necessary or not, they happen. When we first begin fighting for our dream, we have no experience and make many mistakes. The secret of life, though, is to fall seven times and to get up eight times.

So, why is it so important to live our personal calling if we are only going to suffer more than other people?

Because once we have overcome the defeats - and we always do - we are filled by a greater sense of euphoria and confidence. In the silence of our hearts, we know that we are proving ourselves worthy of the miracle of life. Each day, each hour, is part of the good fight. We start to live with enthusiasm and pleasure. Intense, unexpected suffering passes more quickly than suffering that is apparently bearable; the latter goes on for years and, without our noticing, eats away at our soul, until, one day, we are no longer able to free ourselves from the bitterness and it stays with us for the rest of our lives.

Having disinterred our dream, having used the power of love to nurture it and spent many years living with the scars, we suddenly notice that what we always wanted is there, waiting for us, perhaps the very next day. Then comes the fourth obstacle: the fear of realizing the dream for which we fought all our lives.

Oscar Wilde said: "Each man kills the thing he loves." And it's true. The mere possibility of getting what we want fills the soul of the ordinary person with guilt. We look around at all those who have failed to get what they want and feel that we do not deserve to get what we want either. We forget about all the obstacles we overcame, all the suffering we endured, all the things we had to give up in order to get this far. I have known a lot of people, who, when their personal calling was within their grasp, went on to commit a series of stupid mistakes and never reached their goal - when it was only a step away.

This is the most dangerous of the obstacles because it has a kind of saintly aura about it: renouncing joy and conquest. But if you believe yourself worthy of the thing you fought so hard to get, then you become an instrument of God, you help the Soul of the World, and you understand why you are here.

Paulo Coelho

The Alchemist, HarperCollins 1993. p.x-xii

thank you for your patience

Let's ban the phrase. Instead of writing, "Sorry for the delay," say, "Thank you for your patience." You can even elaborate, if appropriate, to include why you were delayed in responding: "Thank you for your patience while I gathered the information required to provide you with clear next steps."

This one small change will enhance your perception as a competent, confident leader.

Julia Bonner

"3 Phrases Confident Leaders Use Every Day" Inc. April 16, 2018

resilience like a muscle

There is an inherent fallacy in the way people view resilience, believing it to be a trait rather than a skill. Thus, people operate under the false mantra that “you either have it or you don’t.”

The truth is that resiliency is much like a muscle — over time it grows stronger through effective leadership. That’s not to say a workforce constantly exposed to adversity will eventually become more resilient. Rather, leadership needs to create a culture where hardships can also be seen as an opportunity to evolve both the individual and the organization.

Resilience can also be misinterpreted as overconfidence. People who are resilient are often seen as tough, self-reliant, and unaffected by the same stresses and negative emotions others might face. This can lead others to believe that resilient individuals don’t need any help. Not only does this stifle collaboration, but it can have a negative effect on the mental wellbeing of resilient individuals.

It’s important that leadership understands how these misconceptions can be detrimental to their organization. Furthermore, leadership has to realize that there is no one-size-fits-all solution to building resilience in the workplace. Rather, it requires a robust strategy.

"5 Ways to Build Resilience in the Workplace" FTI Journal. October 2020

authenticity

Leaders used to be able to keep a distance from the masses. Today, confidence and belief in leadership is directly correlated to engagement, productivity and retention. Authenticity is about connecting to all levels of your team, personally and professionally. Access to leadership has been a trend in organizations. Leaders now need to let people see the person behind the curtain, not just the position.

Michelle Tillis Lederman, Executive Essentials 

"13 Leadership Skills You Didn't Need A Decade Ago That Are Now Essential." Forbes. December 13, 2016

resiliency

Over the past decade, the pace of change and the growing complexity of the business environment has increased dramatically. Leaders often find themselves overworked and overwhelmed in response to these challenges. Building up their resilience is an essential skill set. Resilient leaders are able to manage personal and organizational anxiety effectively and exude calm and confidence.

Irvine Nugent, Sonos Leadership
"13 Leadership Skills You Didn't Need A Decade Ago That Are Now Essential." Forbes. December 13, 2016

boost

Outstanding leaders go out of their way to boost the self-esteem of their personnel. If people believe in themselves, it’s amazing what they can accomplish.

Sam Walton

"50 Inspiring Quotes on Leadership for Everyone" Time. July 1, 2015

no longer cutting it

One of the biggest mistakes a manager can make is leaving people in positions for which they’re no longer suited. [Jeff Weiner, CEO of Linkedin] uses a sports metaphor to explain his perspective... 

“The most important lesson I’ve learned in the role of CEO is to not leave the pitcher in the game for too long,” Weiner says. “You know, when you’re watching a baseball game, sometimes you’ll see a star pitcher on the mound, they’re having a great game and as the game continues to go on, you can see their arm starting to tire and you can see the opposing team start to hit the ball a little bit harder.”

Whenever this happens in baseball, the manager approaches the mound to check on the pitcher, who inevitably says some variation of: “I’m fine. I got this.” Weiner says the same thing happens in business.

“In 20 years of managing people, not once has anyone ever come to me and said they couldn’t do their job. Not a single time,” he says. “It’s not their job. That’s the role of a manager.”...

With Weiner’s corporate philosophy relying so much on managing compassionately, it may seem unusual to suggest letting go of an employee who is no longer cutting it. But, as he explains, it’s not.

“People just assume ‘compassion’ means not making hard decisions, not making hard choices, not transitioning people out of roles,” Weiner says. “It’s the exact opposite: The least compassionate thing you can do when someone is not equipped to be doing what they’re doing is to leave them in that role.”

When those employees are left in their roles, Weiner continues, it takes a toll on them.

“They lose confidence. They’re losing self-esteem by the day. They’re taking that back to their teams, people are seeing that you’re leaving them in the role ― which is undermining your ability to lead ― and the worst of all is that individual that no longer believes in themselves, that’s losing their sense of self, they take that energy home,” Weiner points out. “They’re taking that energy home to their families.”

There’s only one way to stop this vicious cycle, he says.

“The most compassionate thing you can do in that situation is take that person aside and say, ‘This isn’t working out right now. Here’s where the bar is set. I’m going to do everything I can to get you to the bar or above the bar. And we’re going to set a timetable,’” Weiner says.

In some cases, the employee may need to be transitioned out of the role, but that’s not a foregone conclusion.

“There’s probably a reason you put them in that role, so there may be the potential for them to be able to take coaching and learn how to do the job more effectively,” Weiner says. “It’s a question of how much time you’re going to give them and how much work you’re willing to put in.”

Lisa Capretto

"One Of The Biggest Mistakes A Manager Can Make, According To LinkedIn’s CEO". Huffington Post. Jan. 9, 2017

feel supported

Good listening included interactions that build a person’s self-esteem. The best listeners made the conversation a positive experience for the other party, which doesn’t happen when the listener is passive (or, for that matter, critical!). Good listeners made the other person feel supported and conveyed confidence in them. Good listening was characterized by the creation of a safe environment in which issues and differences could be discussed openly.

Jack Zenger and Joseph Folkman

"What Great Listeners Actually Do". Harvard Business Review. July 14, 2016.

creating a safe and trusting environment

[Effective leaders have "high ethical and moral standards” and “communicat[e] clear expectations”...]

Taken together, these attributes are all about creating a safe and trusting environment. A leader with high ethical standards conveys a commitment to fairness, instilling confidence that both they and their employees will honor the rules of the game. Similarly, when leaders clearly communicate their expectations, they avoid blindsiding people and ensure that everyone is on the same page. In a safe environment employees can relax, invoking the brain’s higher capacity for social engagement, innovation, creativity, and ambition...

Sunnie Giles

"The Most Important Leadership Competencies, According to Leaders Around the World" Harvard Business Review. 3/15/2016