none of them can hurt me

When you wake up in the morning, tell yourself: The people I deal with today will be meddling, ungrateful, arrogant, dishonest, jealous, and surly. They are like this because they can’t tell good from evil. But I have seen the beauty of good, and the ugliness of evil, and have recognized that the wrongdoer has a nature related to my own – not of the same blood or birth, but the same mind, and possessing a share of the divine. And so none of them can hurt me. No one can implicate me in ugliness. Nor can I feel angry at my relative, or hate him. We were born to work together like feet, hands, and eyes, like the two rows of teeth, upper and lower. To obstruct each other is unnatural. To feel anger at someone, to turn your back on him: these are obstructions.

Marcus Aurelius

Meditations by Marcus Aurelius. Modern Library. 2003. p.17, Book 2, #1. Also see The Internet Classics Archive | The Meditations by Marcus Aurelius (mit.edu)

we do not listen to understand

Think about it, the word listen and the word silent are spelled with the same letters.

In order to be a good listener, we first need to learn how to be silent.

That includes, not thinking about how you’re going to reply when another person is talking.

“The biggest communication problem is we do not listen to understand. We listen to reply,” Stephen Covey.

Even though you might have a lot to say, sometimes it’s best not to respond.

In silence, without distractions, that’s when people feel respected and appreciated.

Emily Rice

"Listen to Understand not to Reply," Norhart Blog. January 18, 2019

working out his destiny

Every man is working out his destiny in his own way and nobody can be of help except by being kind, generous, and patient.

Henry Miller

Henry Miller on Writing by Henry Miller. New Directions. 1964. As found in 2022 Great Quotes From Great Leaders Boxed Calendar: 365 Inspirational Quotes From Leaders Who Shaped the World.

slow is smooth and smooth is fast

SEALs train with the philosophy slow is smooth and smooth is fast. That’s how movements and behaviors become muscle memory – something imperative in high-speed combat situations. When we are on an enemy target, we move smoothly and dynamically assessing risk and using speed and violence of action only when necessary.

Organizational change fails when companies move too quickly...  skipping fundamental elements such as aligned vision and culture. They run to their death and the change process eventually stalls.

Brent Gleeson

"9 Navy SEAL Sayings That Will Improve Your Organization's Ability To Lead Change," Forbes. July 23, 2018

patience

Patience will achieve more than force. 

Edmund Burke

long, slow, tough work

I’ll tell you what leadership is. It’s persuasion and conciliation and education and patience. It’s long, slow, tough work. That’s the only kind of leadership I know.

 

Dwight G. Eisenhower

MATTIS, J. (2019). CALL SIGN CHAOS: Learning to lead. S.l.: RANDOM HOUSE. 19

we don’t eat it all; we don’t plant it all

“We don’t eat it all; we don’t plant it all.”

I Am the Grand Canyon: The Story of the Havasupai People by Stephen Hirst. Grand Canyon Association. 2007. p. 50

Note: In the past, the Havasupai grew their corn in the canyon and then, in the winter, moved up to the plateau to live and ranch. Corn is carried with them for food. The corn may be stored in three chambers: that in the first is eaten during the winter, that of the second during the spring planting period, and of the third, only a little may be eaten, not all. This remainder is saved against the contingency of flood, etc.

all that we suffer

No pain that we suffer, no trial that we experience is wasted. … All that we suffer and all that we endure, especially when we endure it patiently, builds up our characters, purifies our hearts, expands our souls, and makes us more tender and charitable. … It is through sorrow and suffering, toil and tribulation, that we gain the education that we come here to acquire.

Orson F. Whitney

From Spencer W. Kimball, Faith Precedes the Miracle (1972), 98, as quoted in Paul V. Johnson, "More Than Conquerors through Him That Loved Us." April 2011 General Conference.

if

If you can keep your head when all about you   

    Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,   

If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,

    But make allowance for their doubting too;   

If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,

    Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,

Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,

    And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise:

 

If you can dream—and not make dreams your master;   

    If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim;   

If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster

    And treat those two impostors just the same;   

If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken

    Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,

Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,

    And stoop and build ’em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings

    And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,

And lose, and start again at your beginnings

    And never breathe a word about your loss;

If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew

    To serve your turn long after they are gone,   

And so hold on when there is nothing in you

    Except the Will which says to them: ‘Hold on!’

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,   

    Or walk with Kings—nor lose the common touch,

If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,

    If all men count with you, but none too much;

If you can fill the unforgiving minute

    With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,   

Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,   

    And—which is more—you’ll be a Man, my son!

If by Rudyard Kipling

Source: A Choice of Kipling's Verse (1943)

thank you for your patience

Let's ban the phrase. Instead of writing, "Sorry for the delay," say, "Thank you for your patience." You can even elaborate, if appropriate, to include why you were delayed in responding: "Thank you for your patience while I gathered the information required to provide you with clear next steps."

This one small change will enhance your perception as a competent, confident leader.

Julia Bonner

"3 Phrases Confident Leaders Use Every Day" Inc. April 16, 2018

so much of all living was patience

Patience, he thought. So much of this was patience - waiting, and thinking and doing things right. So much of all this, so much of all living was patience and thinking. 

Gary Paulsen

Hatchet. Simon Pulse. 1987

good sense and self-restraint

The best executive is the one who has sense enough to pick good men to do what he wants done, and self-restraint to keep from meddling with them while they do it.

Theodore Roosevelt

"50 Inspiring Quotes on Leadership for Everyone" Time. July 1, 2015

patient accumulation

Oftentimes we are like the young merchant from Boston, who in 1849, as the story goes, was caught up in the fervor of the California gold rush. He sold all of his possessions to seek his fortune in the California rivers, which he was told were filled with gold nuggets so big that one could hardly carry them.

Day after endless day, the young man dipped his pan into the river and came up empty. His only reward was a growing pile of rocks. Discouraged and broke, he was ready to quit until one day an old, experienced prospector said to him, “That’s quite a pile of rocks you are getting there, my boy.”

The young man replied, “There’s no gold here. I’m going back home.”

Walking over to the pile of rocks, the old prospector said, “Oh, there is gold all right. You just have to know where to find it.” He picked two rocks up in his hands and crashed them together. One of the rocks split open, revealing several flecks of gold sparkling in the sunlight.

Noticing a bulging leather pouch fastened to the prospector’s waist, the young man said, “I’m looking for nuggets like the ones in your pouch, not just tiny flecks.”

The old prospector extended his pouch toward the young man, who looked inside, expecting to see several large nuggets. He was stunned to see that the pouch was filled with thousands of flecks of gold.

The old prospector said, “Son, it seems to me you are so busy looking for large nuggets that you’re missing filling your pouch with these precious flecks of gold. The patient accumulation of these little flecks has brought me great wealth.”

M. Russell Ballard

"Finding Joy through Loving Service." General Conference. April 2011

5 P's of ethical power

One of my favorite books is The Power of Ethical Management, written by Ken Blanchard and Norman Vincent Peale. In their book, Blanchard and Peale discuss the five principles of ethical decision-making which they call the “Five P’s of Ethical Power.”...

Purpose—Your purpose is the road you choose to travel, the meaning and direction of your life. It’s the driving force of why you do what you do. For some it may be rooted in their spiritual faith. Others may find their purpose is something they feel called to do, such as serving those in need, raising responsible children, or leaving the world a better place than they found it. Aligning the activities of your life according to your purpose gives you a clear sense of direction, so when you’re faced with challenging circumstances or difficult decisions, you’re able to filter those occasions through the lens of your purpose and make choices that keep you on track.

Pride—Unlike false pride, which stems from a distorted sense of self-importance that causes people to believe and act like they are better than others, a healthy sense of pride springs from a positive self-image and confidence in one’s abilities. A proper sense of pride mixed with a good dose of humility is the balance you’re seeking. Being driven by false pride causes you to seek the approval and acceptance of others which can overly influence you to take the easy way out when faced with a tough situation.

Patience—Patience is in short supply in our culture. We live in a hyper-connected, instantaneous world where virtually anything we want is just a click away. Blanchard and Peale describe patience as having a faith and belief that things will work out well, as long as we stick to our values and principles. Giving in to instant gratification is one of the biggest temptations we face and it causes us to make decisions that aren’t in alignment with our purpose and values. Enduring the struggles and challenges life throws our way helps develop the strength of our character. Much like prematurely opening a caterpillar cocoon leads to a weakened and under-developed butterfly, choosing the path of expediency leaves us with an under-developed character and weakens our ethical power.

Persistence—This component of ethical power is about staying the course and remaining true to your purpose and values. Persistence is about commitment, not interest. When you have interest in something, you do it when it’s convenient. When you’re committed, you do it no matter what! One of my favorite “Yoda-isms” from the Star Wars movies is “Do or do not. There is no try.” When it comes to making ethical decisions, there is never a right time to do the wrong thing. Persistence keeps us on the straight and narrow path.

Perspective—All the other elements of ethical power emanate from the core of perspective. Perspective is about having the big picture view of situations and understanding what’s truly important. Too often we make snap decisions in the heat of the moment and neglect to step back and examine the situation from a bigger perspective. Maintaining the proper perspective is also about paying attention to our inner-self and not just our task-oriented outer-self. Taking the time to enter each day with prayer, meditation, exercise, or solitude helps foster self-reflection which is needed to help us maintain the right perspective about life.

Randy Conley

"Got Ethics? The 5 Principles of Ethical Leaders" Leading with Trust. 6/12/2016

Taken from the book The Power of Ethical Management by by Ken Blanchard and Norman Vincent Peale. Harper Collins, 1988

patience is...

[P]atience is not passive resignation, nor is it failing to act because of our fears. Patience means active waiting and enduring. It means staying with something and doing all that we can—working, hoping, and exercising faith; bearing hardship with fortitude, even when the desires of our hearts are delayed. Patience is not simply enduring; it is enduring well! 

Dieter F. Uchtdorf

"Continue in Patience", Ensign, May 2010, 56–59

marshmallows and patience

In the 1960s, a professor at Stanford University began a modest experiment testing the willpower of four-year-old children. He placed before them a large marshmallow and then told them they could eat it right away or, if they waited for 15 minutes, they could have two marshmallows.

He then left the children alone and watched what happened behind a two-way mirror. Some of the children ate the marshmallow immediately; some could wait only a few minutes before giving in to temptation. Only 30 percent were able to wait. 

It was a mildly interesting experiment, and the professor moved on to other areas of research, for, in his own words, “there are only so many things you can do with kids trying not to eat marshmallows.” But as time went on, he kept track of the children and began to notice an interesting correlation: the children who could not wait struggled later in life and had more behavioral problems, while those who waited tended to be more positive and better motivated, have higher grades and incomes, and have healthier relationships.

What started as a simple experiment with children and marshmallows became a landmark study suggesting that the ability to wait—to be patient—was a key character trait that might predict later success in life.


Dieter F. Uchtdorf
"Continue in Patience", Ensign, May 2010, 56–59

See Jonah Lehrer, “Don’t! The Secret of Self-Control,” New Yorker, May 18, 2009, 26–27. 

if you’re honest and authentic

According to [Dominic] Barton, the experience of the scandal [two senior McKinsey executives had been arrested for insider trading] taught him some important leadership lessons. One was to be “completely open” in such a situation. “I had [heard] advice that ‘you had better not say very much; wait until you find out more.’ But my view is that I’m just going to say how I feel…. If you’re honest and authentic, people pick it up and know that you’re serious about it.” He said he actually communicated much more about the event than he tried to hide it in situations such as recruiting, for example.

“I had splinters in my back from going over the bar so often … and I finally realized, you know what, I’m going to set my own bar. And I’m going to make it higher than theirs.”

The second lesson, said Barton, was to spend time understanding what really happened. “[McKinsey] has human beings; we have people that do bad things. And we have to help each other try not to do that.” He added that monitoring systems have been put in place: “If someone’s more than two standard deviations off with a peer group, they get audited. It’s automatic.”

"McKinsey’s Dominic Barton on Leadership — and His Three Tries to Make Partner." Knowledge@Wharton. 9/9/2015

no condition is permanent

‘No condition is permanent’. [A Nigerian admonition, carried on the side of trucks and busses during the 2003 elections.] 

  

Martin Meredith

The Fate of Africa: From the Hopes of Freedom to the Heart of Despair. PublicAffairs. 2005.

earn the faith of others

Many aspiring leaders think that leadership is about being the smartest person in the room, the loudest, the most charismatic, or the wealthiest. None of these is true.

It’s about faith. Start small. Achieve results. Earn confidence. Listen hard. Be empathetic. Think before you talk.

Over time, you will earn the faith of others. When you do, don’t let it go to your head. Don’t suddenly act like an ego-driven Master of the Universe. Once you do this, the faith that people have in you will start to erode.

Leadership isn’t complicated, but it is hard. No one ever said it was easy to earn and hold the faith of others. But it is easier when you understand that this is what powers all effective leaders.

Bruce Kasanoff

"Leadership in One Word = Faith." Forbes. 7/23/2015

the air charged

My experience has been that there are times to teach and times not to teach. When relationships are strained and the air charged with emotion, an attempt to teach is often perceived as a form of judgment and rejection.

Stephen R. Covey 

The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: Powerful Lessons in Personal Change. Simon and Schuster. p.40