walk the talk

Inspiring leaders walk the talk. They have character and conviction. They live by a different moral compass. They back up their words with action...

On October 2, 1994, the 49ers were losing to the Eagles 40-8. Head coach George Seifert pulled [Steve] Young from the game. Years of pent-up frustration boiled to the surface. Young was livid and visibly argued with the coach. While it was out of character for Young to show such anger publicly, the players began to perceive him in a different light. They saw a fiery leader committed to winning. The “Steve Young Rant” became a rallying cry for the rest of the season.

Five days later the team played in Detroit. Young got hit so hard an excruciating pain shot up his leg. “Writhing in pain” Young crawled on his elbows to the sideline. The doctors were worried he had injured a nerve and told him not to play. Young overruled them. As long as he could walk, he wanted back in. Two plays after crawling off the field he jogged back to the huddle and completed 17 of 20 passes, leading a come-from-behind victory. “Dude, you really are crazy. You did the death crawl,” one of his teammates said. Young had cemented his leadership role.

The 49ers played like a team with a new conviction. They won the next ten games and ended the season with the number one offense in the league. Young was named MVP, but didn’t feel a sense of accomplishment. In the locker room he gave the speech of his life:

“It’s 34 days to the Super Bowl. We need to make a commitment that every day we do everything we can to put the flag on top of Everest. Let’s go make some history!” Everyone roared. Young had become the leader everyone wanted to rally behind, but only after his actions during the season gave them a reason to follow him.

“Perception is reality. I had worked hard my entire career to establish myself as a leader. But I wasn’t a leader until I was perceived as one. You become a leader in times of trouble,” says Steve Young. “Leaders emerge when things don’t go well. When everyone else starts pointing fingers, a leader takes responsibility.”

Carmine Gallo 

"Hall Of Fame QB Steve Young On Leadership, Character And Conviction" Forbes. Nov. 2, 2016

impostor syndrome

Recent statistics show that over 70% of professionals (and leaders) have or will experience Impostor Syndrome at one point in their careers. Here's some tips on how to recognize the symptoms and how to deal with them.

What Is Impostor Syndrome?

Source #1: You’re so smart!
Source #2: One of these things is not like the others.
Source #3: The side effects of meritocracy.

9 Ways to Combat Impostor Syndrome

Can’t take a compliment?  Feel like a fake? Convinced you’ll be unmasked at any moment? Welcome to the secret circle of high achievers suffering from Impostor Syndrome.  The Savvy Psychologist explains how to recognize it, where it comes from, and has 9 tips on how to combat it.

The work of Dr. Carol Dweck, Professor of Psychology at Stanford, sheds light on a common parenting mistake.  Well-meaning parents often praise kids with labels like ‘You’re so smart!” or “You’re so pretty!” These labels, while meant to be complimentary, actually hinder kids.  How? They imply that there’s nowhere left to grow.  “You’re smart” implies that “smart” is a you’ve-got-it-or-you-don’t characteristic.  Either you’re smart or you’re not, and there’s nothing you can do to alter it.  Therefore, whenever kids make a mistake, they question the “smart” label.  “If I got a C this once, then maybe I’m not smart after all?  Mom must be wrong.”   As a result, it stifles kids’ willingness to try new things, for fear they might prove their label wrong.  This lays fertile ground for Impostor Syndrome.

Women, racial minorities, or LGBT individuals may feel like they're living a high-achiever's version of the Sesame Street song, “One of These Things is Not Like the Others.”  Indeed, individuals who don’t “match” the larger, majority culture of their school or company often struggle to feel legitimate. They may feel like they don’t belong, despite qualifications and accomplishments.

Navigating unfamiliar waters without a role model or mentor can exacerbate this kind of Impostor Syndrome.  For instance, being the first in the family to attend college or have a white-collar career is a pioneering achievement, but can feel like a floundering imitation without an experienced guide.  First-generation achievers may feel out of step both at home and in their new environment.

High achievers are only high achievers when compared to others.  Such folks have been compared to others their whole lives—when earning grades, winning honors, being selected into colleges, landing jobs.  They often come out on top, which does two things.  First, they value the process of comparison because they have done well by it.  Second, they are extra alert to the process.  Awareness of being evaluated and caring deeply about the outcome is an important mindset for success, but when it backfires, it lays a foundation for feeling like a phony.

So what's a phony-feeling high achiever to do?  Here are 9 ways to combat Impostor Syndrome.

1) Know that feeling like a fraud is normal

Impostor Syndrome is widespread.  It is rampant in any exclusive circle, from high school honor societies to Nobel Prize winners.   It is rarely discussed because each person feels they are keeping a secret.  There is an element of shame and the fear of being discovered, so sufferers keep silent.  However, whenever someone pipes up, hundreds more breathe a sigh of relief.

2) Remind yourself of what you’ve accomplished

Academics keep a curriculum vitae, roughly translated as “life’s work.”  More than a resume, it is a list of everything they have accomplished.  Do the same and read it over from time to time.  Read your old letters of recommendation.  If you’ve been given an award, read the inscription. You don’t just look good on paper; you accomplished each and every achievement on that paper. 

3) Tell a fan

Disclose your feelings to a trusted friend, your favorite teacher, or close colleague.  Hopefully, you’ll come away with a pep talk to bolster your spirits.  Warning: change the subject if your fan simply tells you to stop feeling insecure.  If you could stop, you would have already!

4) Seek out a mentor

Ask a senior colleague, teacher, or coach for guidance navigating work or school.  If possible, seek out a mentor who matches your gender or ethnicity. Get-It-Done Guy has a wonderful article on Choosing a Mentor.

5) Teach

Or become a mentor.  You’ll be surprised how much you know.  We often forget what it’s like not to know something.  Furthermore, as we become experts in a field or rise to the top of the class, we are conscious enough to realize how much we have yet to learn, which amplifies the sense of fraudulence.  Only when we contrast ourselves with true newbies do we gain perspective.  Remind yourself how far you’ve come by nurturing the next generation.

6) Sometimes it’s OK not to know what you’re doing

After experiencing any big life event, like starting at a new school or a new job, there is a steep learning curve of adjustment.  Rather than hiding, think of yourself as a “public amateur” or a “purposeful impostor” - someone who is learning and gaining expertise in the public eye.  It’s OK to come to the table with nothing to offer, as long as you’re enthusiastic about learning. 

7) For kids, praise effort

To counteract the mistake of praising traits, as in “You’re so smart!,” praise effort instead.  Compliment kids with, “You worked so hard on that!” or  “You kept at it even when it didn’t work out.” 

8) Build in an expectation of initial failure

The author Anne Lamott titles every new work “Sh*tty First Draft.”  My neighbor told her child, “Here’s your new scooter.  You have to fall off at least 10 times before you get good.”  Allow yourself similar leeway to stink it up at any new beginning.

9) Keep a little Impostor Syndrome in your pocket

Stay humble, my friends.  A balancing point exists between Impostor Syndrome and slick, grinning egomania.  Authentic modesty keeps you real.

So there we have it: 9 things you can do to things you can do to mitigate the effects of Impostor Syndrome.  And of course, you’re not alone.   Simply remember the words of Tina Fey, a self-described impostor:  “Everyone else is an impostor, too.” ;

Ellen Hendriksen, PhD

"What is Impostor Syndrome?" www.quickanddirtytips.com 3 June 2016

it takes all types to succeed

McChrystal quotes the leader of a counterterrorism force for whom he worked in the '90s: "Your importance to the mission is not determined by your proximity to the objective." What that means, he explains, is that commandos who go out on a mission do so on the backs of procurement, logistics, HR, and many other functions. Good leaders, he says, point constantly to the contributions that all employees--even at the lowest levels--make to the organization and, by extension, to the leader's success.

Leigh Buchanan
General Stanley McChrystal: Why the Toughest Bosses Have the Most Devoted Employees Inc.com. 23 Oct 2018

the most important skill for interacting with people

Very few people are compassionate and considerate. … There are people in your life that haven’t been thanked for all of their efforts in far too long.

“When you meet someone, treat them as if they were in serious trouble:

… and you will be right more than half the time.”—Henry Eyring

Every person you meet, no matter how happy they appear on the outside, is dealing with serious challenges in their life.

Life is freaking hard.

Some of the people you meet are going through bitter and bone-chilling challenges. And for the most part, you have no clue. You just pass them at work, in the grocery store, or even at family gatherings.

In the book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, Dr. Stephen Covey tells the story of being on a train one day. While on the train, there were two very noisy kids causing a disturbance to everyone around them. Covey noticed that the father was doing nothing about it, and after a period of restraint he approached the father. Here’s Covey’s account of the situation:

“Sir, your children are really disturbing a lot of people. I wonder if you couldn’t control them a little more?”

The man lifted his gaze as if to come to a consciousness of the situation for the first time and said softly,

“Oh, you’re right. I guess I should do something about it. We just came from the hospital where their mother died about an hour ago. I don’t know what to think, and I guess they don’t know how to handle it either.”

Can you imagine what I felt at that moment? My paradigm shifted. Suddenly I saw things differently, I felt differently, I behaved differently. My irritation vanished. I didn’t have to worry about controlling my attitude or my behavior; my heart was filled with the man’s pain. Feelings of sympathy and compassion flowed freely. Everything changed in an instant.

Living more compassionately

If you treat every person you meet like they are dealing with a serious challenge, you’ll be right more than half the time. If you entreat people with love, kindness, empathy, and discernment, they will appreciate you so much.

Sharing a few kind words to our loved ones make refreshes them like cool water in the middle of the desert. Small gestures can bring hope and motivation.

Even better, ask people how they are really doing in their life. Tell them that you know they are going through a lot right now, and that it’s probably really tough.

How do you think they’ll respond?

You might just see some tears.

Very few people are compassionate and considerate. For instance, my mom works like an absolute workhorse in her job. She is one of the most caring and loving and hardworking people I know. Yet, day in-and-out, she takes constantly crap from people who don’t appreciate what she does.

It’s crazy how a small and thoughtful compliment can put her in tears. She works so hard.

There are people in your life that haven’t been thanked for all of efforts in far too long.

Conclusion

Harriet Beecher Stowe once said, “The bitterest tears shed over graves are for words left unsaid and deeds left undone.”

You have no idea what the people in your world are currently dealing with. If you treat them like they are going through a crises, you’ll be right more often than not. But even more importantly, you can be a balm of peace and understanding for them.

A few words can be a release-valve for pent-up pain and sadness.

You could change someone’s life today. You could potentially save someone’s life today. You could also indirectly change countless other lives through the ripple effects of making just one person felt heard and seen.

Send the text to a friend.

Make that call to a loved one.

Apologize to a co-worker or employee.

Send a loving note of appreciation to your spouse/lover.

Say “I love you” more.

Wrote William Shakespeare, “They do not love that do not show their love.

The Most Important Skill for Interacting with People

Benjamin P. Hardy

theladders.com

5 Oct. 2018

are you undercommunicating?

Transformation is impossible unless hundreds or thousands of people are willing to help, often to the point of making short-term sacrifices. Employees will not make sacrifices, even if they are unhappy with the status quo, unless they believe that useful change is possible. Without credible communication, and a lot of it, the hearts and minds of the troops are never captured....

Executives who communicate well incorporate messages into their hour-by-hour activities. In a routine discussion about a business problem, they talk about how proposed solutions fit (or don’t fit) into the bigger picture. In a regular performance appraisal, they talk about how the employee’s behavior helps or undermines the vision. In a review of a division’s quarterly performance, they talk not only about the numbers but also about how the division’s executives are contributing to the transformation. In a routine Q&A with employees at a company facility, they tie their answers back to renewal goals.

In more successful transformation efforts, executives use all existing communication channels to broadcast the vision. They turn boring and unread company newsletters into lively articles about the vision. They take ritualistic and tedious quarterly management meetings and turn them into exciting discussions of the transformation. They throw out much of the company’s generic management education and replace it with courses that focus on business problems and the new vision. The guiding principle is simple: use every possible channel, especially those that are being wasted on nonessential information.

Perhaps even more important, most of the executives I have known in successful cases of major change learn to “walk the talk.” They consciously attempt to become a living symbol of the new corporate culture. This is often not easy. A 60-year-old plant manager who has spent precious little time over 40 years thinking about customers will not suddenly behave in a customer-oriented way. But I have witnessed just such a person change, and change a great deal. In that case, a high level of urgency helped. The fact that the man was a part of the guiding coalition and the vision-creation team also helped. So did all the communication, which kept reminding him of the desired behavior, and all the feedback from his peers and subordinates, which helped him see when he was not engaging in that behavior.

Communication comes in both words and deeds, and the latter are often the most powerful form. Nothing undermines change more than behavior by important individuals that is inconsistent with their words.

John P. Kotter

"Leading Change: Why Transformation Efforts Fail" Harvard Business Review. May-June 1995