seeing others as people

Being out of the box and seeing others as people doesn't mean that I'm suddenly bombarded with burdensome obligations. That's because the basic obligation I have as a person - which is to see others as they are, as people - is satisfied, in many cases, by the fundamental change in my way of being with others that happens when I get out of the box.

Leadership and Self-deception: Getting Out of the Box by Arbinger Institute. Berrett-Koehler. 2002. p.147

the best conversations were active

Good listening is much more than being silent while the other person talks. To the contrary, people perceive the best listeners to be those who periodically ask questions that promote discovery and insight. These questions gently challenge old assumptions, but do so in a constructive way. Sitting there silently nodding does not provide sure evidence that a person is listening, but asking a good question tells the speaker the listener has not only heard what was said, but that they comprehended it well enough to  want additional information. Good listening was consistently seen as a two-way dialog, rather than a one-way “speaker versus hearer” interaction. The best conversations were active.

Jack Zenger and Joseph Folkman

"What Great Listeners Actually Do". Harvard Business Review. July 14, 2016.

real emotional intelligence

Real emotional intelligence is more than just being sensitive or “nice,” more than understanding how to read the mood of a conference room or having insight into whether a colleague is more analytical or expressive in her approach to problem-solving. While those are important skills, effective emotional knowledge demands a profound level of self-reflection, an active imagination, and an ability not only to envision alternate approaches to a given situation but also to understand that there are entire invisible galaxies of salient emotional facts behind almost every workplace.

Anne Kreamer

It’s Always Personal: Navigating Emotion in the New Workplace. Random House. 2011.