the complaint sandwich

Psychologist Guy Winch recommends a formula called “the complaint sandwich”—a series of three statements calibrated to make people more receptive to changing their ways. The first “slice of bread” in the sandwich is a positive statement that will hopefully make the listener less defensive when the complaint itself arrives.

“The meat of the sandwich is the complaint itself,” Winch said. “And here’s the trick: The meat has to be lean. In other words, all you need is the one incident to make your point.” Don’t present a compendium of every offense; just stick to the specifics of the present situation.

The final component of the sandwich is another positive statement, this time one that might motivate the other party to do things differently.


Joe Pinsker
"How to Complain". The Atlantic. June 29, 2019.