Women, racial minorities, or LGBT individuals may feel like they're living a high-achiever's version of the Sesame Street song, “One of These Things is Not Like the Others.” Indeed, individuals who don’t “match” the larger, majority culture of their school or company often struggle to feel legitimate. They may feel like they don’t belong, despite qualifications and accomplishments.
Navigating unfamiliar waters without a role model or mentor can exacerbate this kind of Impostor Syndrome. For instance, being the first in the family to attend college or have a white-collar career is a pioneering achievement, but can feel like a floundering imitation without an experienced guide. First-generation achievers may feel out of step both at home and in their new environment.
High achievers are only high achievers when compared to others. Such folks have been compared to others their whole lives—when earning grades, winning honors, being selected into colleges, landing jobs. They often come out on top, which does two things. First, they value the process of comparison because they have done well by it. Second, they are extra alert to the process. Awareness of being evaluated and caring deeply about the outcome is an important mindset for success, but when it backfires, it lays a foundation for feeling like a phony.
So what's a phony-feeling high achiever to do? Here are 9 ways to combat Impostor Syndrome.
1) Know that feeling like a fraud is normal
Impostor Syndrome is widespread. It is rampant in any exclusive circle, from high school honor societies to Nobel Prize winners. It is rarely discussed because each person feels they are keeping a secret. There is an element of shame and the fear of being discovered, so sufferers keep silent. However, whenever someone pipes up, hundreds more breathe a sigh of relief.
2) Remind yourself of what you’ve accomplished
Academics keep a curriculum vitae, roughly translated as “life’s work.” More than a resume, it is a list of everything they have accomplished. Do the same and read it over from time to time. Read your old letters of recommendation. If you’ve been given an award, read the inscription. You don’t just look good on paper; you accomplished each and every achievement on that paper.
3) Tell a fan
Disclose your feelings to a trusted friend, your favorite teacher, or close colleague. Hopefully, you’ll come away with a pep talk to bolster your spirits. Warning: change the subject if your fan simply tells you to stop feeling insecure. If you could stop, you would have already!
4) Seek out a mentor
Ask a senior colleague, teacher, or coach for guidance navigating work or school. If possible, seek out a mentor who matches your gender or ethnicity. Get-It-Done Guy has a wonderful article on Choosing a Mentor.
5) Teach
Or become a mentor. You’ll be surprised how much you know. We often forget what it’s like not to know something. Furthermore, as we become experts in a field or rise to the top of the class, we are conscious enough to realize how much we have yet to learn, which amplifies the sense of fraudulence. Only when we contrast ourselves with true newbies do we gain perspective. Remind yourself how far you’ve come by nurturing the next generation.
6) Sometimes it’s OK not to know what you’re doing
After experiencing any big life event, like starting at a new school or a new job, there is a steep learning curve of adjustment. Rather than hiding, think of yourself as a “public amateur” or a “purposeful impostor” - someone who is learning and gaining expertise in the public eye. It’s OK to come to the table with nothing to offer, as long as you’re enthusiastic about learning.
7) For kids, praise effort
To counteract the mistake of praising traits, as in “You’re so smart!,” praise effort instead. Compliment kids with, “You worked so hard on that!” or “You kept at it even when it didn’t work out.”
8) Build in an expectation of initial failure
The author Anne Lamott titles every new work “Sh*tty First Draft.” My neighbor told her child, “Here’s your new scooter. You have to fall off at least 10 times before you get good.” Allow yourself similar leeway to stink it up at any new beginning.
9) Keep a little Impostor Syndrome in your pocket
Stay humble, my friends. A balancing point exists between Impostor Syndrome and slick, grinning egomania. Authentic modesty keeps you real.
So there we have it: 9 things you can do to things you can do to mitigate the effects of Impostor Syndrome. And of course, you’re not alone. Simply remember the words of Tina Fey, a self-described impostor: “Everyone else is an impostor, too.” ;
