“Do What I Do” Leadership

Jesus said several times, ‘Come, follow me.’ His was a program of ‘do what I do,’ rather than ‘do what I say.’ His innate brilliance would have permitted him to put on a dazzling display, but that would have left his followers far behind. He walked and worked with those he was to serve. His was not a long-distance leadership. He was not afraid of close friendships; he was not afraid that proximity to him would disappoint his followers. The leaven of true leadership cannot lift others unless we are with and serve those to be led. Jesus kept himself virtuous, and thus, when his closeness to the people permitted them to touch the hem of his garment, virtue could flow from him.

Spencer W. Kimball

"Jesus, The Perfect Leader" January 15, 1977. From an address delivered to the Young Presidents organization, Sun Valley, Idaho. 

your presence isn't really about you

So let's talk about Taylor Swift and the Super Bowl...

Swift was there, of course. For a while things looked tough for the Chiefs, until they won the game on a last-second touchdown pass in overtime.

Afterward, Swift made her way down to the field, where she reunited with Kelce....

I was curious what they would say to each other... But I also realized that it doesn't matter. What mattered much more is the fact that Swift was there.

Remember, in the days before the Super Bowl, one of the storylines was whether Swift would be able to make it to Las Vegas from Tokyo, where she had a concert Saturday evening, in time for the game...

The trip required Swift to leave immediately after her concert and fly for about 12 hours to Los Angeles, before a one-night stopover and then another hour flight to Las Vegas on Sunday. 

Obviously, Swift wasn't flying in the middle seat on a commercial flight, but it still took a significant effort. And, that effort is a statement...

Sometimes the thing that matters most is that you show up and support the people you care about when they're facing a challenge. 

So, you go to their games and performances. You applaud, you cheer; if they come up short, you're there for them.

You sit in on their presentations, if you're allowed; if not, you make sure to reach out to them and offer encouragement beforehand.

You stand by them in their hours of need. When they've fallen short at something, you tell them you still think they're great, and you believe in them, and they'll do better next time.

When they're sick or they have suffered a loss, you visit them in the hospital; you go to the funeral. 

You understand that your presence isn't really about you; it's about the other person. That's part of why you don't have to say very much sometimes, because being there speaks volumes. 

But if you're not there, you understand as a leader that the opposite is true, too: Your absence would speak volumes. 

Bill Murphy Jr.

"With Literally Zero Words, Taylor Swift Just Taught a Crucial Lesson in Leadership," Inc. Feb 12, 2024

listening creates spaciousness

Listening creates spaciousness, which we need to do good work. And the converse is also true: I listen more when I create space in my day. When I have back-to-back meetings, my goal is to get through them with just enough time to run to the other building for my next meeting. When I strategically create space on my calendar to reflect on a conversation and prepare for the next one, I can be more present for others.

Melissa Daimler

"Listening Is an Overlooked Leadership Tool" Harvard Business Review. May 25, 2016

the problem just needs to be heard

Gabrielle Thompson, senior vice president at Cisco, has found that when an employee comes to her with a challenge, sometimes it needs a simple solution. But often, the problem just needs to be heard. “Many situations simply need an ear, not action. Oftentimes, problems don’t need solutions — they need presence and time,” she says. As leaders, having the ability to be fully present and listen with an open mind is often the most powerful way to solve issues.

As a leader, your role can be simply to create the safe space for people to air their frustrations and process their problems. Through mindful presence, you become the container in which they have space to process the issue, without you stepping in to solve, fix, manipulate, or control the situation. Presence in itself can help resolve the issue. This kind of presence not only solves the problem but also creates greater connection and engagement.

Rasmus Hougaard and Jacqueline Carter

"If You Aspire to Be a Great Leader, Be Present" Harvard Business Review. December 13, 2017.

being present becomes the cornerstone

Like all CEOs, Dominic Barton, global managing director of McKinsey & Company, has a daily schedule of back-to-back meetings. All of these meetings are important, all include complex information, and most require far-reaching decisions. Under these conditions, being present moment to moment, meeting after meeting, is a challenge. But in Barton’s experience, presence is not a choice. It’s a necessity.

“When I’m with people during the day, I’m doing my best to be focused, I’m present with them,” he told us. “Part of this is because I get energy from being with people. But the other part is because if you’re not focused, if you’re not present, it’s discouraging to the other people. They lose motivation. If you’re not present, I think you may as well not have the meeting. It can sometimes be difficult to do, but it’s always important.”

The person in front of you does not know what you were dealing with a moment ago, nor should they. It’s your responsibility to show up and be fully present to effectively use the limited time you have with each person you meet.

Barton believes being mindfully present requires discipline and skill. It takes discipline to stay on task, not letting yourself be affected by nagging challenges or distracted by mental chatter. And it requires skill to have the mental ability to stay laser focused and present. When he’s present throughout his day, he finds it deeply gratifying. Being present becomes the cornerstone to getting the most out of every moment with each person.

Rasmus Hougaard and Jacqueline Carter

"If You Aspire to Be a Great Leader, Be Present" Harvard Business Review. December 13, 2017.

become that moment

Right now a moment of time is passing by! We must become that moment.

Paul Cézanne

Embracing Change: 10 Ways to Grow Spiritually and Emotionally. Joseph F. Sica. Twenty-Third Publications, 2003.

provide proof of life

If you are fortunate enough to be entrusted with leadership — that is, with imagination on others’ behalf — he is clear on what you are meant to do: “I am here to provide proof of life to that ever elusive, never completely believable ‘us.’”

I am here, in that line, is precondition for everything that happens after. Being there, in and of a place, is where leading begins. Then you must move. Songs need to get played, arenas to get filled up. But those are only means. A leader’s job is to embody identity for a community — to give words and flesh to elusive ideals. (Only inside a body does an ideal get to become a story.) A leader’s legitimacy, then, rests upon “how deeply you [can] inhabit your song.”

Gianpiero Petriglieri

"Bruce Springsteen, Artful Leadership, and What Rock Star Bosses Do". Harvard Business Review. 9/27/2017

leaders cannot delegate presence

There are many situations when there is no substitute for a leader’s physical presence. Some might call this symbolic – don’t let that diminish in your mind the impact you have when you are present. Events, milestones, strategic meetings, or even personal markers in the lives of your people are all candidates for your presence. Former mayor of New York City, Rudy Giuliani says, “Weddings are optional; funerals are mandatory.” Giuliani understands the impact of leadership presence. 

Mark Miller

"6 Things Leaders Cannot Delegate." Great Leaders Serve. 3/11/2015

the art of the critique

Harry Levinson, a psychoanalyst turned corporate consultant, gives the following advice on the art of the critique, which is intricately entwined with the art of praise:

• Be specific. Pick a significant incident, an event that illustrates a key problem that needs changing or a pattern of deficiency, such as the inability to do certain parts of a job well. It demoralizes people just to hear that they are doing “something” wrong without knowing what the specifics are so they can change. Focus on the specifics, saying what the person did well, what was done poorly, and how it could be changed. Don’t beat around the bush or be oblique or evasive; it will muddy the real message. This, of course, is akin to the advice to couples about the “XYZ” statement of a grievance: say exactly what the problem is, what’s wrong with it or how it makes you feel, and what could be changed.  “Specificity,” Levinson points out, “is just as important for praise as for criticism. I won’t say that vague praise has no effect at all, but it doesn’t have much, and you can’t learn from it.”
• Offer a solution. The critique, like all useful feedback, should point to a way to fix the problem. Otherwise it leaves the recipient frustrated, demoralized, or demotivated. The critique may open the door to possibilities and alternatives that the person did not realize were there, or simply sensitize her to deficiencies that need attention – but should include suggestions about how to take care of these problems.
• Be present. Critiques, like praise, are most effective face to face and in private. People who are uncomfortable giving a criticism – or offering praise – are likely to ease the burden on themselves by doing it at a distance, such as in a memo. But this makes the communication too impersonal, and robs the person receiving it of an opportunity for a response or clarification.
• Be sensitive. This is a call for empathy, for being attuned to the impact of what you say and how you say it on the person at the receiving end. Managers who have little empathy, Levinson points out, are most prone to giving feedback in a hurtful fashion, such as the withering put-down. The net effect of such criticism is destructive: instead of opening the way for a corrective, it creates an emotional backlash of resentment, bitterness, defensiveness, and distance.

Daniel Goleman

Emotional Intelligence. Random House LLC, 2006. 358 pages, p.153, 154

respect behaviors

10 things that make people feel disrespected:

1. Looking at computer screens and cell phones during conversations.
2. Outburst of anger.
3. Cursing and slang.
4. One sided conversations. Not listening.
5. Wasting people’s time.
6. Asking people to re-do work, even though clear instructions weren’t given up front.
7. Not following up.
8. Not showing up for meetings.
9. Aggressiveness.
10. Lies.

7 ways to show respect:

1. Speak to aspirations.
2. Talk more about strengths than weaknesses.
3. Ask, “What do you think?”
4. Take time to ponder suggestions.
5. Focus on issues not personalities during disagreements.
6. Say please and thank you.
7. Feeling understood.

Dan Rockwell

"The Leadership Behavior Most Employees Want." Leadership Freak. 8/11/2015