situation, behavior, impact

The Center for Creative Leadership developed a technique called Situation, Behavior, Impact that ensures guidance is humble rather than judgmental. The idea is simple. It forces you to describe what you saw a person do and what impact you saw as a result. This prevents you from passing judgments or making assertions that seem arrogant or fall prey to the “fundamental attribution error.”

Instead of yelling, “You a$$&0!e” when somebody grabs your parking space, you say, “I’ve been waiting for that spot here for five minutes, and you just zipped in front of me and took it. Now I’m going to be late.”

If you say this, you give the person a chance to say, “Oh, I’m sorry I didn’t realize, let me move.” (Of course, the person might also just flip you off or say, “Tough s&!t.” Then you can yell with more justification, “You a$$&0!e!”)

Here’s how to do this at work. Describe the situation, the person’s behavior, and the impact the behavior had. All those descriptions don’t have to add up to a novel. They just provide the specifics of what actually happened. In other words, don’t just say, “You’re aggressive.” Better to say, “In the meeting we just had when you and Zan got in an argument (situation), putting your face three inches from Zan’s and yelling ‘F*#& You’ (behavior) was too aggressive.” Here you are describing the situation and the behavior, but you didn’t describe the impact.

Best to say, “In the meeting we just had when you and Zan got in an argument (situation), putting your face three inches from Zan’s and yelling ‘F*#& You’ (behavior) could result in his bringing a lawsuit against the company for allowing a hostile work environment (impact).”

Situation, behavior, impact applies to praise as well as to criticism. Praise can feel just as arrogant as criticism. A great way to offer praise that is helpful is to share the situation, the behavior, and the impact so that it’s clear why the work was important. I often bristle at praise because it sounds insincere or patronizing or somehow belittling.

When somebody says to me, “I’m so proud of you!” I think, “Who are you to be proud of me?” I’d rather hear, “In the presentation you just gave (situation), I think what you said about A, B, C (behavior) was a persuasive because x, y, z (impact).” It’s the fear of sounding arrogant that sometimes makes me hesitate to give praise to people properly. Using situation, behavior, impact helps.

Kim Scott

"How to give humble feedback," by Kim Scott. Radical Candor. Accessed August 17, 2022

verbal judo

Verbal Judo is a means of using language to get someone to comply voluntarily with your original request. Unpleasant confrontations are more likely to occur if an officer talks, without conscious thought, to someone on the street. "Stop doing what you are doing!" Get over here now! Stay calm and be reasonable!" These are all natural ways to speak in a tense and difficult situation. However, by using a demanding voice or loaded words, you may only further escalate the tension, which could result in violence.

It's no wonder, then, that an individual who has been yelled at by a police officer would turn around and start cursing at the officer, even making derogatory remarks about the officer's mother. Once riled up, they may start moving around in unpredictable and threatening ways. Once someone starts acting or speaking abnormally or becomes threatening, we've been instructed on how to use an appropriate level of force when justified, even up to nonlethal weapons like pepper spray or a baton if the circumstances move to that level. I've been pepper sprayed at the police academy, and it's simply not pleasant. Anything we can do to avoid this or the use of any weapon is certainly preferable. 

So we learned how to avoid this unconscious kind of speaking by relying on Verbal Judo, which seeks voluntary compliance through a deliberate way of speaking that's actually quite unnatural to most of us. For example, we were instructed to say, "For your safety and mine, you need to stop doing what you are doing." Depending on the situation, we may say, "Is there anything else I can say or do to get you to do A, B, or C?" or, "I would like to help you here, so let's talk through what just happened." We were also taught to give people options. "You can stop doing what you're doing, or here is another option: I will put you in this police car, take you to the station, and book you. You will probably miss work tomorrow. Or remember the other option - you can stop doing what you are doing." These are more engaging, less threatening methods of interacting, but they definitely take practice and deliberate, conscious thought.

Laura A. Liswood

The Loudest Duck: Moving Beyond Diversity While Embracing Differences to Achieve Success at Work by Laura A. Liswood. Wiley. 2010. p.115, 116

respect behaviors

10 things that make people feel disrespected:

1. Looking at computer screens and cell phones during conversations.
2. Outburst of anger.
3. Cursing and slang.
4. One sided conversations. Not listening.
5. Wasting people’s time.
6. Asking people to re-do work, even though clear instructions weren’t given up front.
7. Not following up.
8. Not showing up for meetings.
9. Aggressiveness.
10. Lies.

7 ways to show respect:

1. Speak to aspirations.
2. Talk more about strengths than weaknesses.
3. Ask, “What do you think?”
4. Take time to ponder suggestions.
5. Focus on issues not personalities during disagreements.
6. Say please and thank you.
7. Feeling understood.

Dan Rockwell

"The Leadership Behavior Most Employees Want." Leadership Freak. 8/11/2015