things truly confident people say

Here are the kinds of things you'll hear truly confident people say.

1. "I wouldn't worry about it."

Go to a confident friend with a list of "what-ifs" or reasons why something may turn out badly and you'll likely hear this kind of reassurance. It's because confident people generally don't worry. They understand that even if something goes wrong, they can handle it. It's the persistent feeling that regardless of what happens--good or bad--they will cope.

2. "Go for it."

Along with a lack of anxiety comes a sense of optimism. Truly confident people expect good things to happen. At the same time, their track record of making good decisions means they also possess the ability to temper their positivity with realistic thinking.

3. "Doing it this way works for me."

Confident individuals don't feel compelled to conform to gain acceptance from others. This is the central beauty of confidence--the calm self-assurance that makes others want to follow.

4. "Why not me?"

Instead of waiting around for the next opportunity, confident people seek it out. Maybe it's building the right relationships, asking for a promotion or otherwise taking a leap of faith. These people have a vision for the future and chart their own path to get there.   

5. "I need to say something."

Confident people take a stand when it comes to matters of right and wrong yet possess the wisdom to understand which battles are worth fighting. That said, they'll back down graciously if proved wrong, because they're secure enough to consider viewpoints other than their own.

6. "Tell me more."

Confident people listen far more than they talk, are naturally curious, and express a genuine interest in others. Conversely, those who monopolize conversations or brag (ever) have something to prove and are masking insecurity.

7. "Can you help me?"

Everyone has weaknesses, but the self-assured are not afraid to admit them. Instead of worrying what others will think if they ask for help, confident people are more concerned with self-improvement, gaining valuable skills, and performing a job well. 

Christina Desmarias

"7 Things Confident People Always Say," Inc.com. June 24, 2016

poor “gardening” techniques

Let’s imagine for a moment that you are a gardener. Do any of the actions below seem like a good idea?

• Planting a seed and then digging it back up from time to time to check its progress
• Forcing open a flower bud with your fingernails because it isn’t opening fast enough
• Pulling on a tree limb because it’s not growing fast enough to provide shade

Hopefully you answered a resounding NO to all three of these scenarios. Any of those actions will inhibit the healthy growth of the seed, flower, or plant. Interestingly enough however, you CAN influence the environment each of these items are in to accelerate the desired outcomes.

In a similar way, I believe some leaders and managers practice poor “gardening” techniques with the people on their team when they are too helpful. They think that giving others all the answers to the situations they encounter will result in a healthy team member. It won’t. They are actually creating someone who will be dependent on them to solve future issues or challenges because they haven’t cultivated their analytical thinking skills, creativity, or confidence in their abilities.

...Before you drift to an unhealthy level of helping, ask yourself, “Will taking this action improve the ability of this team member to solve problems on their own in the future?” or “Is this going to help the organization build future leaders?” or even “Is this action going to help me grow this team member so that I can rely on them for bigger things in the future?” If the answer is no, consider one of the options below to improve your approach..

When a team member comes to you seeking advice or guidance, resist the urge to immediately tell them an answer. Instead, be prepared with questions like:

• What actions have you taken so far to solve the problem?
• What do you think needs to be done in this situation?
• Tell me what you see as the main issue here.
• What do you think we should do next to address the issue?
• What solution would you choose if I wasn’t here?
• What solution do you think I’m going to offer?
• How can I help you take the next step?

And don’t forget… when you ask these questions, really listen to their ideas.

Jones Loflin

"Why Being Too Helpful Is A Bad Habit For Leaders," by Jones Loflin. jonesloflin.com Accessed on June 22, 2022. 

dropping all pretenses

Here’s a shocker: your people already know you have flaws! So if you make a mistake, admit it. If you need help, ask for it. When leaders admit their mistakes and ask for help, it creates stronger, more trusting relationships with team members.

Dropping all pretenses and letting your people get to know the person behind the title won’t cause them to lose respect for you. Quite the opposite. It will allow them to see you for who you really are—a confident leader who cares about their people and is comfortable in their own skin.

Ken Blanchard

"Everyone Benefits When Leaders Get Real," Linkedin Article. May 12, 2022

we are all interdependent

We talk of independence. No man is independent. We are all interdependent; and we shall only rise as we carry others with us, and as we are assisted by others.

James E. Talmage

A Beginner's Guide to Talmage: Excerpts from the Writings of James E. Talmage. Deseret Book. 2013

resilience like a muscle

There is an inherent fallacy in the way people view resilience, believing it to be a trait rather than a skill. Thus, people operate under the false mantra that “you either have it or you don’t.”

The truth is that resiliency is much like a muscle — over time it grows stronger through effective leadership. That’s not to say a workforce constantly exposed to adversity will eventually become more resilient. Rather, leadership needs to create a culture where hardships can also be seen as an opportunity to evolve both the individual and the organization.

Resilience can also be misinterpreted as overconfidence. People who are resilient are often seen as tough, self-reliant, and unaffected by the same stresses and negative emotions others might face. This can lead others to believe that resilient individuals don’t need any help. Not only does this stifle collaboration, but it can have a negative effect on the mental wellbeing of resilient individuals.

It’s important that leadership understands how these misconceptions can be detrimental to their organization. Furthermore, leadership has to realize that there is no one-size-fits-all solution to building resilience in the workplace. Rather, it requires a robust strategy.

"5 Ways to Build Resilience in the Workplace" FTI Journal. October 2020

maturity and caliber

Headhunters call [the] change of perspective from ego-drive to co-drive “executive maturity.” The mature leader’s burning question is: how do I help others perform?

The developmental psychologist Robert Kegan calls the leap a subject/object shift. You progress from seeing and navigating in the world on the basis of your own needs and motives — and allowing yourself to be governed by these needs — to seeing yourself from an external position as a part of an organism.

It requires a certain caliber and self-assuredness to act in this way. The ability to put your ego on hold may require a great effort. It might be worthwhile reminding yourself of the words of the American President Harry Truman: “It is incredible what you can achieve, if you don’t care who gets the credit.” If you succeed in making this shift, and thereby improving the skills of the people around you, then you will also experience a greater degree of freedom.

Merete Wedell-Wedellsborg

"Help Your Team Do More Without Burning Out" Harvard Business Review. Oct. 15, 2018

eyes on, hands off

There is clearly risk associated with empowering your team to make more and faster decisions at a lower-level than was previously the norm. As you take your hands off the wheel, you need to be more vigilant and aware than ever about the decisions your team is making. Provide your team with guidance on the decisions that you want to maintain, and then expect them to handle the rest by leveraging their increased connectivity internal and external to their team. Encourage an environment of transparency where the expectation is for people to be self-aware of when they need help, and are comfortable asking for it. Use every challenge your team faces as an opportunity for organizational learning, and you will quickly build trust in this new way of working.

Chris Fussell

"Eyes On, Hands Off: How to empower your team and get out of their way" Medium. March 15, 2017.

issue an S.O.S.

Today, most assume that Xbox was somehow destined to be a winner, but having been Microsoft’s chief Xbox officer, I am here to report that its early years were much more like a ship on the rocks than a sloop cutting through the waves.... As I reflect on surviving the near-death Xbox experience, which we turned around using a strategy process called the 3P Framework to create Xbox 360... I would humbly suggest the following...

Issue an S.O.S. We are all taught that self-reliance is key for accountability and leadership, but I’ve learned that the reverse is often true. When things are going badly, the height of leadership is knowing who to ask for help. This is not an invitation to hire a bunch of consultants but rather a suggestion that you find people uniquely qualified to provide new ideas and approaches. My boss treated my resignation letter as a request for help, which he gladly answered by rejecting the letter and working with me to change my leadership style. That was the end of the beginning for me, and it enabled me to rebuild the team and create a set of new opportunities for the business.

Robbie Bach

"The Big Leadership Lessons I Learned Almost Failing To Create Xbox For Microsoft" Forbes. 11/5/2015