we do not listen to understand

Think about it, the word listen and the word silent are spelled with the same letters.

In order to be a good listener, we first need to learn how to be silent.

That includes, not thinking about how you’re going to reply when another person is talking.

“The biggest communication problem is we do not listen to understand. We listen to reply,” Stephen Covey.

Even though you might have a lot to say, sometimes it’s best not to respond.

In silence, without distractions, that’s when people feel respected and appreciated.

Emily Rice

"Listen to Understand not to Reply," Norhart Blog. January 18, 2019

the silent have something to say

We've worked hard, spent a lot of money, and dedicated much time to our goal of diversity in our organizations. We want different ideas, perspectives, worldviews, and cognitive diversity. Yet so often, there is still silence coming from many members of our team - not because the quiet employees are lacking ideas, but because there are dynamics playing out under the surface. Either a manager notices this, or they don't. If your managers aren't noticing, then there is no sense in spending another dime on diversity efforts - because they won't pay off. 

If You Are a Manager: In meetings, it is essential to be conscious of who is speaking and how often everyone shares their opinions. Allow time for every member of the team to be able to talk in meetings... In order to ensure that everyone is heard, you may have to call on people directly, or politely ask that someone wait their turn. Conference calls are a particularly fertile breeding ground for silence. 

If You Are an Employee: If you do not speak, your ideas will not be heard. It is that simple... You have a responsibility to participate and share your ideas. Otherwise, you will have to accept that you are creating a work environment that isn't fair for you. Ask your manager to allow you to speak in the meeting or the conference. Advise him or her that you would like to be the first person to present at the meeting this time. Help your colleagues by noticing if someone is remaining silent in a meeting and ask them what they are thinking, even if the manager does not.

Laura A. Liswood

The Loudest Duck: Moving Beyond Diversity While Embracing Differences to Achieve Success at Work by Laura A. Liswood. Wiley. 2010. p.146, 147

master your mind

A collection of quotes from David Goggins:

Denial is the ultimate comfort zone.

Tell yourself the truth! That you’ve wasted enough time, and that you have other dreams that will take courage to realize, so you don’t die a @#!$% %$@!*&.

Pain unlocks a secret doorway in the mind, one that leads to both peak performance, and beautiful silence.

When you think that you are done, you're only 40% in to what your body's capable of doing. That's just the limits that we put on ourselves. 

Our culture has become hooked on the quick-fix, the life hack, efficiency. Everyone is on the hunt for that simple action algorithm that nets maximum profit with the least amount of effort. There’s no denying this attitude may get you some of the trappings of success, if you’re lucky, but it will not lead to a calloused mind or self-mastery. If you want to master the mind and remove your governor, you’ll have to become addicted to hard work. Because passion and obsession, even talent, are only useful tools if you have the work ethic to back them up.

Be more than motivated, be more than driven, become literally obsessed to the point where people think you're !$#@% nuts.

Only you can master your mind, which is what it takes to live a bold life filled with accomplishments most people consider beyond their capability.

David Goggins

Can't Hurt Me: Master Your Mind and Defy the Odds - Clean Edition. Lioncrest. 2020. 

a call to solitude

Jesus modeled for us the spiritual discipline of solitude as an essential habit for spiritual renewal...

Here are some examples when Jesus engaged in external solitude as a means of fortifying His inner solitude of peace and purpose:

• When preparing for the tests of leadership and public ministry, He spent forty days alone in the desert. (Matthew 4:1-11)
• Before He chose the Twelve, He spent the entire night alone in the desert hills. (Luke 6:12) 
• When He had to choose between continuing to heal the sick or move to another place to teach the Good News. Very early in the morning, while it was still dark, Jesus got up, left the house and went off to a solitary place, where he prayed (Mark 1:35).
• When He received the news of John the Baptist’s death, He withdrew from there in a boat to a lonely place apart. (Matthew 14:13)
• After the miraculous feeding of the five thousand, Jesus “went up on a mountainside by himself...” (Matthew 14:23)

By “solitude” we mean being out of human contact, being alone, and being so for lengthy periods of time. To get out of human contact is not something that can be done for a short while, for the contact lingers long after it is, in one sense, over.

Silence is a natural part of solitude and is its essential complement. Most noise is human contact. Silence means to escape from sounds and noises, other than the gentle ones of nature. But it also means not talking, and the effects of not talking on our soul are different from those of simple quietness...

Solitude and silence give us some space to reform our innermost attitudes toward people and events. They take the world off our shoulders for a time and interrupt our habit of constantly managing things, of being in control or thinking we are.

One of the greatest of spiritual attainments is the capacity to do nothing. Thus, the Christian philosopher Blaise Pascal insightfully remarks, “I have discovered that all the unhappiness of men arises from one single fact, that they are unable to stay quietly in their room.”

“The cure for too much to do is solitude and silence, for there you find that you are safely more than what you do. And a cure of loneliness is solitude and silence, for there you discover in how many ways you are never alone.”

Ken Blanchard and Phil Hodges

The Servant Leader: Transforming You Heart, Head, Hands & Habits. 2003. J.Countryman.

well-placed pauses

Research suggests that most conversational speech consists of short (0.20 seconds), medium (0.60 seconds), and long (over 1 second) pauses. Great public speakers often pause for two to three seconds or even longer. Our phonetic data shows that the average speaker only uses 3.5 pauses per minute, and that’s not enough.

This is understandable. Pauses aren’t easy to embrace. For many speakers, even the briefest pause can feel like an interminable silence. That’s because we tend to think faster than we speak. According to our research, the average professional speaks at a rate of 150 words per minute. Yet, according to research from Missouri University, we think at 400 words per minute (and depending on who you ask, the rate may be as high as 1,500 words per minute).

Because of this discrepancy, when you’re giving a speech, your perception of time is often distorted, and what feels like an eternity in your mind is actually a few short seconds for the audience.

Despite how they may feel at first, well-placed pauses make you sound calm and collected... Strategically placed silence can build suspense, emphasize a point, or give the audience time to absorb a key insight.

Noah Zandan

How to Stop Saying “Um,” “Ah,” and “You Know” Harvard Business Review. Aug. 1, 2018

a giant waste of time and money

[Internal meetings] can be a "giant waste of time and money," [JPMorgan CEO Jamie] Dimon wrote. If a meeting is absolutely necessary, the organizer needs to prepare a focused agenda and send around materials in advance; and the meeting participants have to reach clear decisions.

Sound familiar? Other business leaders have expressed the same squeamishness around unnecessary meetings.

Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos, for example, often starts meetings with a period of silence so that everyone can read over the materials and think about what they want to say. That way, the rest of the meeting is more productive.

Meanwhile, Elon Musk reportedly tells people who stay quiet in meetings: "You haven't said anything. Why are you here?"

Shana Lebowitz 

"Jamie Dimon says bureaucracy is 'a disease' — and JPMorgan takes 5 steps to combat it" Business Insider. Apr. 5, 2018

to leave unsaid

Remember not only to say the right thing in the right place, but far more difficult still, to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.

Benjamin Franklin

The Art of Virtue: Ben Franklin's Formula for Successful Living. Skyhorse Publishing. 2012. 

the collective voice

[I]magine you’ve got a problem that feels too risky or futile for anyone on your team to speak up about individually. Perhaps it’s about a business policy or process that your boss is wedded to or can’t change himself anyway, or perhaps it’s a problem with your manager’s own behavior or performance. This is often where silence prevails. We found in our interviews, though, that sometimes people did well when they banded together to speak up collectively. In some cases, it involved talking as a group to their direct boss (for instance, at a weekly meeting) or finding an opportunity to approach a skip-level boss together; in others, it involved scheduling a series of one-on-one meetings (because it was hard to get everyone free at the same time) and being sure to use “we” language in those meetings.

We heard about “collective voice” episodes in about one-third of our interviews and, to our initial surprise, learned that the participants considered the outcomes positive in every case. Upon reflection, we understand that this success stemmed from their ability to both reduce the risks and increase their efficacy in speaking up. People noted explicitly that there is “strength in numbers” and that it “felt a lot safer to approach the manager together.” And they pointed out that they were less likely to “be written off as one disgruntled person” once the boss saw they were raising a systemic issue. They recognized the potency of solidarity and benefited from what scholars call “social proof,” the influence that comes from seeing others committed to a course of action. Collective voice was also more likely than individual voice to lead to action because the necessary coordination and buy-in needed from colleagues to solve certain problems had already been obtained by the time the boss was approached.

James R. Detert and Ethan R. Burris

"When It’s Tough to Speak Up, Get Help from Your Coworkers" Harvard Business Review. 3/4/2016

my boss is a jerk

“My boss is a jerk” is pretty much the number one stressor in the workplace.... What to do? Well, if you really don’t think you can quit, here are some ideas....

Build yourself a really thick skin.

Part of the problem here is that you are taking personally the fact that your boss has a lousy personality. You just can’t. The fact that someone is an awful person has nothing to do with you. It is as disconnected from you as the weather. You don’t take it personally when it hails, do you? No. You wear a good coat and warm boots and you carry an umbrella. So treat your boss and his moods like the weather. Stay out of his way when you can, and when he does act out, observe the behavior and say to yourself “Wow, he is going off the rails again, how interesting.” Tell yourself that it’s not about you. It is about him—and the poor thing has to wake up as himself every morning. But you get to be you, which is way more fun. So put your thick skin coat on, carry your psychic umbrella, and get on with it....

Use Silence.

When it comes to communication, often the person who speaks the least has the most power. Your instinct might be to talk things out, but if you don’t have a willing participant in building or repairing a relationship, it’s really not worth trying. So, if forced into a conversation with your boss, prepare by being clear about the one or two messages you want to share and share only those.

Madeleine Homan-Blanchard 

"My Boss Is A Jerk—What Do I Do? Ask Madeleine." Blanchard LeaderChat. 8/22/2015