a ferocious reader

Storytelling played a role in the formative years of Theodore (Teddy) Roosevelt. Roosevelt became a “ferocious reader,” writes Goodwin. Books transported Roosevelt into “the lives of the adventurous heroes he most admired.”

Roosevelt once said that leaders in every field need to understand human nature. The best way to know how people feel is to read the works of “great imaginative writers,” he advised. 

Roosevelt’s love of reading and history would work to his advantage in helping to reach a peaceful solution during the six-month coal strike of 1902. By understanding the deep history of distrust between labor and management that had sparked the rebellion, he was able to empathize with everyday people and communicate with them plainly and simply. 

Carmine Gallo

Public Speaking Secrets That Made Four U.S. Presidents Influential Leaders by Carmine Gallo. Forbes. February 21, 2022. 

nonattachment to outcomes

But wait. How could America be proclaimed the land of the free when certain Colonies were practicing the institution of slavery? Washington himself inherited his first slave when he was 11, and over time, he owned more than 300. His views on slavery changed during the course of the American Revolution, and it was clear to him by the time he was president that this was a blot on the nation. "I can clearly foresee that nothing but the rooting out of slavery can perpetuate the existence of our union ...There is not a man living who wishes more sincerely than I do, to see a plan adopted for the abolition of it."

However, he understood that if he were to pursue abolition, the new, fragile fabric of the Union would be torn to pieces. So he chose to focus on strengthening the Union and surrendered the goal of abolition to the work of future generations. But he did make sure in his will that, upon his wife's passing, his own slaves would gain their freedom.

In my leadership workshops with executives, we see this Washingtonian theme of surrender--of nonattachment to outcomes--play out again and again in the lives of great leaders. In pursuing bold visions, these leaders humbly recognize that they cannot control the precise contours of the outcome or bound the time frame in which the outcome will be achieved. They pursue their ambition doggedly on the outside, while on the inside they practice surrender. This lack of attachment allows them to operate flexibly, to listen to others with an open mind, to engage in constant readjustment, to limit their exposure to unfavorable conditions, and to capitalize on favorable shifts in the wind.

Hitendra Wadhwa

"Lessons in Leadership: How George Washington Surrendered His Ambitions--and Won Big." Inc. 2/13/2015

a wise agreement

Any method of negotiation may be fairly judged by three criteria: It should produce a wise agreement if agreement is possible. It should be efficient. And it should improve or at least not damage the relationship between the parties. (A wise agreement can be defined as one that meets the legitimate interests of each side to the extent possible, resolves conflicting interests fairly, is durable, and takes community interests into account).

Roger Fisher, William L. Ury & Bruce Patton 

Getting to Yes: Negotiating Agreement Without Giving In (The Harvard Negotiation Project). Penguin. 2011. P.4

the talk goes back and forth

It is surprising how often we simply react to what someone else has said or done. Two people will often fall into a pattern of discourse that resembles a negotiation but really has no such purpose whatsoever. They disagree with each other over some issue, and the talk goes back and forth as though they were seeking agreement. In fact, the argument is being carried on as a ritual, or simply a pastime. Each is engaged in scoring points against the other or in gathering evidence to confirm views about the other that have long been held and are not about to change. Neither party is seeking agreement or is even trying to influence the other.

Roger Fisher, William L. Ury & Bruce Patton 

Getting to Yes: Negotiating Agreement Without Giving In (The Harvard Negotiation Project). Penguin. 2011. P.54

invent solutions

One lawyer we know attributes his success directly to his ability to invent solutions advantageous to both his client and the other side. He expands the pie before dividing it. Skill at inventing options is one of the most useful assets a negotiator can have.

Yet all too often negotiators end up like the proverbial children who quarreled over an orange. After they finally agreed to divide the orange in half, the first child took one half, ate the fruit, and threw away the peel, while the other threw away the fruit and used the peel from the second half in baking a cake. All too often negotiators “leave money on the table” – they fail to reach agreement when they might have, or the agreement they do reach could have been better for each side. Too many negotiations end up with half an orange for each side instead of the whole fruit for one and the whole peel for the other. Why? 

Roger Fisher, William L. Ury & Bruce Patton 

Getting to Yes: Negotiating Agreement Without Giving In (The Harvard NegotiationProject). Penguin. 2011. P.58, 59

the assumption of a fixed pie

[A] major block to creative problem-solving lies in the assumption of a fixed pie: the less for you, the more for me. Rarely if ever is this assumption true. First of all, both sides can always be worse off than they are now. Chess looks like a zero-sum game if one loses, the other wins – until a dog trots by and knocks over the table, spills the beer, and leaves you both worse off than before. 

Roger Fisher, William L. Ury & Bruce Patton 

Getting to Yes: Negotiating Agreement Without Giving In (The Harvard NegotiationProject). Penguin. 2011. P.72

people respond better when they feel they’ve been heard

Q: Comedy is so subjective. What happens when the team disagrees on what’s good?

A: Our dress rehearsals are up to 35 minutes longer than we have room for in the live show. Sometimes things don’t play, and then the writer is much more open to change and suggestions. You can have the fight beforehand, but who’s right? If we go through the dress and the audience is neutral, then we can start cutting in a relatively ruthless way, because all you’re trying to do is put on the best show out of what you have. At that point everyone falls into line. There’s no longer any real debate. We just execute. We come together and do the show. Creative people respond better when they feel they’ve been heard and had a chance to see how the thing they believed in actually performed. You know, we work in a business where people who don’t know each other kiss when they meet. It’s hard to navigate that, because nobody says, “You’re awful in that part.” There’s a level of truth that comes from the audience. They love it or they don’t.

Lorne Michaels

Interview with Lorne Michaels. Harvard Business Review. September 2013

who's winning

In 1964 an American father and his twelve-year-old son were enjoying a beautiful Saturday in Hyde Park, London, playing catch with a Frisbee. Few in England had seen a Frisbee at that time and a small group of strollers gathered to watch this strange sport. Finally, one homburg-clad Englishman came over to the father: “Sorry to bother you. Been watching you a quarter of an hour. Who’s winning?”

In most instances to ask a negotiator “Who’s winning?” is as inappropriate as to ask who’s winning a marriage. If you ask that question about your marriage, you have already lost the more important negotiation – the one about what kind of game to play, about the way you deal with each other and your shared and differing interests.

Roger Fisher, William L. Ury & Bruce Patton

Getting to Yes: Negotiating Agreement Without Giving In (The Harvard Negotiation Project). Penguin. 2011. P.150