how to be less wrong

Have you ever been taught that if you want to understand someone, you need to put yourself in their shoes?

It's a helpful rule of thumb because it reminds us that the way we see the world is not the way other people do. But there is some danger in this approach. 

Here's why.

We are not nearly as good at understanding others' perspectives as we think we are. Of course, sometimes we guess right, but often we guess wrong...

But here's what is surprising to me. 

It seems obvious that asking someone how they feel helps us better understand them. Yet, how many of us choose to guess how other people feel instead of simply asking them? 

 

Don't guess the perspective of another person. Instead, ask them. 

• Ask customers, What is the most valuable thing we do for you? Where could we be better?
• Ask your team to share the friction points of a current project and ask how you can help reduce them. 
• Ask a family member to send you a link to something they would like for Christmas. 

Greg McKeown

"How to Be Less Wrong," One Minute Wednesday. September 21, 2022

taking accountability for culture

I think it's about time that organizations and their senior leadership really start taking accountability for their culture. There has been a war for talent for years now, but it’s only getting worse. It’s easy for the finger to be pointed towards recruiting or human resources, or towards broken processes or compensation and benefits not being correct, but overall, for many organizations the culture of leadership needs to seriously be addressed. Research has shown for years that money is not what motivates most people. It definitely contributes to attraction and retention of course, but one of the biggest drivers of retention is leadership and accountability within a culture. Until leaders start turning inwards and reflecting on their own behaviors, stop leading from a place of their own fears and insecurities, start setting expectations upfront with employees, have open, direct and honest conversations, address issues immediately, focus on removing roadblocks for employees to get their jobs done instead of creating more roadblocks, and ultimately be objective enough to support their development and career progression (including giving the tough feedback with their best interest at heart), then the revolving door of talent will continue to become an even larger problem for organizations.

Kerrie Campbell

Is Quiet Quitting and Quiet Firing really a new phenomenon? LinkedIn Article. September 10, 2022.

listening to learn

Leading companies today asks for a different level of self-awareness from CEOs. Previously they may often have succeeded by “listening to win” (focusing on comments that supported their view) or “listening to fix” (taking any opportunity to tell others how they would solve the problem). Sometimes such reflexes may be helpful, most obviously when the problem they need to solve is relatively straightforward. But more often than not, the problem before them is complex and asks that they develop a more curious stance, “listening to learn,” instead. 

This takes a different mindset. And it often goes against the grain of the way many CEOs and their reports were incentivized earlier in their careers, when they were rewarded for solving operational problems quickly and moving on. Now they may only succeed if they can hold the complexity for longer, and resist the quick answer, listening and discerning more carefully – and in a more inclusive way. 

Mark Byford

Creating the Space Complexity Demands: New Approaches for CEO Leaders by Mark Byford. EgonZehnder CEO Insights. Volume 24, September 2021.

knack for simplifying ideas

Roosevelt’s knack for simplifying ideas grabbed the attention of the press and public. He was the first president to summarize his entire legislative agenda in three words: “The Square Deal.” It meant that government should pursue a fair playing field for corporations and the wage worker, the rich and the poor. In 1905, The Washington Post called Roosevelt’s explanation “entirely plain and understandable.”

 

Carmine Gallo

Public Speaking Secrets That Made Four U.S. Presidents Influential Leaders by Carmine Gallo. Forbes. February 21, 2022. 

a ferocious reader

Storytelling played a role in the formative years of Theodore (Teddy) Roosevelt. Roosevelt became a “ferocious reader,” writes Goodwin. Books transported Roosevelt into “the lives of the adventurous heroes he most admired.”

Roosevelt once said that leaders in every field need to understand human nature. The best way to know how people feel is to read the works of “great imaginative writers,” he advised. 

Roosevelt’s love of reading and history would work to his advantage in helping to reach a peaceful solution during the six-month coal strike of 1902. By understanding the deep history of distrust between labor and management that had sparked the rebellion, he was able to empathize with everyday people and communicate with them plainly and simply. 

Carmine Gallo

Public Speaking Secrets That Made Four U.S. Presidents Influential Leaders by Carmine Gallo. Forbes. February 21, 2022. 

Listen to everyone in your company

Listen to everyone in your company. And figure out ways to get them talking. The folks on the front lines - the ones who actually talk to the customer - are the only ones who really know what's going on out there. You'd better find out what they know. This really is what total quality is all about. To push responsibility down in your organization, and to force good ideas to bubble up within it, you must listen to what your associates are trying to tell you.

Sam Walton

Sam Walton, Made in America by Sam Walton & John Huey. Bantam Books. 1992. p. 248

thinking small: store within a store

I first began thinking about some of the very real ways that we could improve our teamwork and put more authority in the hands of our people in the stores.

Our most famous technique for doing this is a textbook example of thinking small. We call it Store Within a Store, and it's the simplest idea in the world. Again, in many big retail companies the department head is just an hourly employee going through the motions, somebody who punches a clock, then rips open boxes and stacks whatever's in them onto shelves. But we give our department heads the opportunity to become real merchants at a very early stage of the game. They can have the pride of proprietorship even if they weren't fortunate enough to go to college or be formally trained in business. They only have to want it bad enough, pay close attention, and work very hard at developing merchandising skills. We've had many cases where the experience has fired people up with ambition, and they've goin on to work their way through college and move on up in the company, and I hope we have many more cases like that.

Again, this only works because we decided a long time ago to share so much information about the company with our associates, rather than keep everything secretive. In Store Within a Store we make our department heads the managers of their own businesses, and in some cases these businesses are actually bigger in annual sales than a lot of our first Wal-Mart stores were. We share everything with them: the costs of their goods, the freight costs, the profit margins. We let them see how their store ranks with every other store in the company on a constant, running basis, and we give them incentives to want to win.

 

Sam Walton

Sam Walton, Made in America by Sam Walton & John Huey. Bantam Books. 1992. p. 227

we make a decision

Our Friday merchandising meeting is unique to retailing as far as I can tell. Here we have all these regional managers who have been out in the field all week long - they are the operations guys who direct the running of the stores. Then you have all your merchandising folks back in Bentonville - the people who buy for the stores. In retailing, there has always been a traditional, head-to-head confrontation between operations and merchandising. You know, the operations guys say, 'Why in the world would anybody buy this? It's a dog, and we'll never sell it.' Then the merchandising folks say, 'There's nothing wrong with that item. If you guys were smart enough to display it well and promote it properly, it would blow out the doors.' That's the way it is everywhere, including Wal-Mart. So we sit all these folks down together every Friday at the same table and just have at it.

We get into some of the doggonedest, knock-down drag-outs you have ever seen. But we have a rule. We never leave an item hanging. We will make a decision in that meeting even if it's wrong, and sometimes it is. But when the people come out of that room, you would be hard-pressed to tell which ones oppose it and which ones are for it. And once we've made that decision on Friday, we expect it to be acted on in all the stores on Saturday. What we guard against around here is people saying, 'Let's think about it.' We make a decision. Then we act on it."

David Glass

Sam Walton, Made in America by Sam Walton & John Huey. Bantam Books. 1992. p. 225, 226

the open-door policy

If you've ever spent any time around Wal-Mart, you may have noticed that it's not unusual for somebody in Philadelphia, Mississippi, to get in his pickup on the spur of the moment and drive to Bentonville, where you can find him sitting in the lobby waiting patiently to see the chairman. Now, really, how many chairmen of $50 billion companies do you know who are totally, 100 percent accessible to their hourly associates? I know lots of people in big companies who have never even seen their chairman, much less visited with him. - David Glass

That's not to suggest that they always like what I have to say. I don't always solve their problems, and I can't always side with them just because they bring their situation to my attention. But if the associate happens to be right, it's important to overrule their manager, or whoever they're having the problem with because otherwise the open-door policy isn't any good to anybody. The associates would know pretty soon that it was just something we paid lip service to, but didn't really believe. If I'm going to fly around all over the country telling these folks they're my partners, I sure owe it to them to at least hear them out when they're upset about something. 

Sam Walton

Sam Walton, Made in America by Sam Walton & John Huey. Bantam Books. 1992. p. 141, 142

having your oldest friend come just to see if you're okay

When I started working at Wal-Mart in West Texas, we would anticipate a store visit by the chairman with the same sense you get when you're going to meet a great athlete, or a movie star, or a head of state. But once he comes in the store, that feeling of awe is overcome by a sort of kinship. He is a master at erasing that 'larger-than-life' feeling that people have for him. How many heads of state always start the conversation by wanting to know what you think? What's on your mind?

After a visit, everyone in the store has no doubt that he genuinely appreciates our contributions, no matter how insignificant. Every associate feels like he or she does make a difference. It's almost like having your oldest friend come just to see if you're okay. He never lets us down.

Andy Sims, Manager, Wal-Mart No. 1, Rogers, Arkansas

Sam Walton, Made in America by Sam Walton & John Huey. Bantam Books. 1992. p. 140, 141

fewer things done better

LinkedIn CEO Jeff Weiner sees "fewer things done better" as the most powerful mechanism for leadership. When he took the reins of the company he could easily have adopted the standard operating procedure of most Silicon Valley start-ups and tried to pursue everything. Instead, he said no to really good opportunities in order to pursue only the very best ones. He uses the acronym FCS (a.k.a. FOCUS) to teach his philosophy to his employees. The letters stand for "Fewer things done better," "Communicating the right information to the right people at the right time," and "Speed and quality of decision making." Indeed, this is what it means to lead essentially.

Greg McKeown

Essentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit of Less by Greg McKeown. Crown/Archetype. 2020. p.239.

futures that were not predicted to happen

[Leadership isn't] about giving great speeches or being liked or charismatic. It's about delivering results and realizing futures that were not predicted to happen. Period.

That's why executives are paid the big bucks. Part of their job is to realize a future that's not going to happen through managing what's already in place. And that's also why leadership is typically not an "I" thing. It requires enrolling others to see something possible for themselves and their team that wasn't there before...

An organization that remains rooted in doing the same things the same way will be left behind. It's inevitable. Everything changes--from technology to consumer demand and everything in between--and because of that, it's crucial to imagine what has never been imagined before (at least for that specific organization).

It's the leaders who stand on the precipice of impossible and show the world (their employees, team members, or close friends and confidants) where they want to go. Where they wish to lead.

Tanya Prive

"Where Does Management Stop and Leadership Start?" Inc.com. January 27, 2022

verbal judo

Verbal Judo is a means of using language to get someone to comply voluntarily with your original request. Unpleasant confrontations are more likely to occur if an officer talks, without conscious thought, to someone on the street. "Stop doing what you are doing!" Get over here now! Stay calm and be reasonable!" These are all natural ways to speak in a tense and difficult situation. However, by using a demanding voice or loaded words, you may only further escalate the tension, which could result in violence.

It's no wonder, then, that an individual who has been yelled at by a police officer would turn around and start cursing at the officer, even making derogatory remarks about the officer's mother. Once riled up, they may start moving around in unpredictable and threatening ways. Once someone starts acting or speaking abnormally or becomes threatening, we've been instructed on how to use an appropriate level of force when justified, even up to nonlethal weapons like pepper spray or a baton if the circumstances move to that level. I've been pepper sprayed at the police academy, and it's simply not pleasant. Anything we can do to avoid this or the use of any weapon is certainly preferable. 

So we learned how to avoid this unconscious kind of speaking by relying on Verbal Judo, which seeks voluntary compliance through a deliberate way of speaking that's actually quite unnatural to most of us. For example, we were instructed to say, "For your safety and mine, you need to stop doing what you are doing." Depending on the situation, we may say, "Is there anything else I can say or do to get you to do A, B, or C?" or, "I would like to help you here, so let's talk through what just happened." We were also taught to give people options. "You can stop doing what you're doing, or here is another option: I will put you in this police car, take you to the station, and book you. You will probably miss work tomorrow. Or remember the other option - you can stop doing what you are doing." These are more engaging, less threatening methods of interacting, but they definitely take practice and deliberate, conscious thought.

Laura A. Liswood

The Loudest Duck: Moving Beyond Diversity While Embracing Differences to Achieve Success at Work by Laura A. Liswood. Wiley. 2010. p.115, 116

the big idea

When you start telling a story to a friend or colleague, you automatically start thinking about all the different pieces you want to remember to share. Companies often take the same approach in their marketing and fill their story with as many features, benefits, and cool bits of information as possible.

Unfortunately, when you try to tell someone everything, they end up remembering nothing. That’s why the big idea is so important. It’s the heart of your brand strategy: the one concept or idea you want people to remember. It’s even more powerful when that one thing differentiates your business from your competitors.

Ward Andrews

"The Power of Storytelling," Drawbackwards Blog. April 18, 2017

what doesn't work in the box

What doesn't work in the box.

1. Trying to change others

2. Doing my best to "cope" with others

3. Leaving

4. Communicating

5. Implementing new skills or techniques

6. Changing my behavior

How to get out of the box.

...the moment I see another as a person, with needs, hopes, and worries as real and legitimate as my own - I'm out of the box.

Leadership and Self-deception: Getting Out of the Box by Arbinger Institute. Berrett-Koehler. 2002. p.136,144

you're already out of the box

When you're feeling that you want to be out of the box for someone, in that moment you're already out. You're feeling that way because you're now seeing him or her as a person. In feeling that way toward that person, you're already out of the box.

Leadership and Self-deception: Getting Out of the Box by Arbinger Institute. Berrett-Koehler. 2002. p.127

post-game meeting

Confirm key decisions and next steps. Recap what was decided in the meeting, who is accountable for following through, when implementation will occur, and how it will be communicated. You want every attendee to leave the meeting with the same understanding of what was agreed, so there’s little chance of anyone reopening the issues later…

Develop communication points. If a colleague not at the meeting asks an attendee “What happened?” he or she should know what to say. So before you wrap up, put the question to the group. “What are the most important things we accomplished in our time here together?” As the group responds, capture the key points on a flip chart or whiteboard and briefly summarize them. Once you have alignment on what should be communicated to others ask everyone if there are any parts of the discussion that they wouldn’t want to be shared. Some information might be confidential; perhaps some ideas aren’t quite ready for dissemination. Be as specific as possible here so everyone clearly understands what is off limits. Then, as soon as possible after the meeting, send your agreed-upon talking points to everyone in an email. The goal of this exercise is not to give people a script to read from. It’s to provide guidance on the key messages they should convey, and what they should keep to themselves, if asked, so the rest of the organization gets a consistent picture of what went on. After a recent strategy meeting of the top 30 executives at a major technology company, for example, the group decided on these communication points:

• This was not a one-time event, but the beginning of this group coming together as a senior leadership team.
• We talked about our strategy, which is to build a collection of great businesses in strong categories.
• We agreed that each business should focus on driving its own growth, but, where it makes sense, units and functions should leverage each other’s best practices and capabilities. We captured some ideas for how to start doing this and talked about opportunities for leaders to grow and take on new boundary-spanning roles.

 

Bob Frisch and Cary Greene

“Don’t End a Meeting Without Doing These 3 Things,” Harvard Business Review. April 26, 2016 as quoted in HBR Guide to Making Every Meeting Matter. Harvard Business Review Press. 2016.

check that others are ready

Check that others are ready to move down the track. When moving to a new topic, rather than say, “O.K, let’s move on” or simply move on to a new topic, say something like, “I think we’re ready to move to topic Y; anyone have anything else we haven’t fully addressed on X?”  If some people aren’t ready to move on, find out what needs to happen before they can move forward. This reduces the chance that people will re-raise issues that you thought had been fully discussed. If your team is staying on track but regularly runs out of time before completing its agenda, then you’re underestimating the amount of time necessary to make high-quality decisions that generate commitment. When you and the team agree on the track and make sure everyone is ready to move on, you are jointly designing next steps, which builds commitment to decisions.

Roger Schwarz

“Dealing with Team Members Who Derail Meetings,” Harvard Business Review. September 20, 2013 as quoted in HBR Guide to Making Every Meeting Matter. Harvard Business Review Press. 2016.

what is on-track?

Agree on the track before going down it. Team members can’t be off-track if the team hasn’t agreed about what track it’s on. If your team doesn’t explicitly agree on the purpose and topic for each part of the meeting, then team members will use their own understanding to decide what is on-track. Because members will naturally have different interpretations, one team member’s comments can easily seem off-track to others.

Start your meeting by saying something like, “My understanding of the purpose of this meeting is X; does anyone have a different understanding, or think we need to add anything?” Even if you called the meeting and set the agenda, this ensures that if people think other issues need to be addressed, they can say so, and have them considered for the agenda, rather than raising them as off-track items. If it’s not your meeting and there is no agenda, simply ask, “Can we take a minute to get clear on the purpose and topics for the meeting to make sure we accomplish what you need?”

Roger Schwarz

“Dealing with Team Members Who Derail Meetings,” Harvard Business Review. September 20, 2013 as quoted in HBR Guide to Making Every Meeting Matter. Harvard Business Review Press. 2016.

how many people?

How many people should you actually invite [to a meeting]? There are no hard and fast rules, but in principle, a small meeting is best to actually decide or accomplish something; a medium-sized meeting is ideal for brainstorming; and for communicating and rallying, you can go large. Some people use what’s known as the 8-18-1800 rule as a rough guideline:

• If you have to solve a problem or make a decision, invite no more than 8 people. If you have more participants, you may receive so much conflicting input that it’s difficult to deal with the problem or make the decision at hand.
• If you want to brainstorm, then you can go as high as 18 people.
• If the purpose of the meeting is for you to provide updates, invite however many people need to receive the updates. However, if everyone attending the meeting will be providing updates, limit the number of participants to no more than 18.
• If the purpose of the meeting is for you to rally the troops, go for 1,800 — or more!

HBR Editors

“How to Know If There Are Too Many People in Your Meeting,” Harvard Business Review. March 18, 2015 as quoted in HBR Guide to Making Every Meeting Matter. Harvard Business Review Press. 2016.